A Christian Wedding

A ceremony of inclusiveness

Scott Frady
Jul 20, 2017 · 3 min read

When I was growing up in the church, people whispered behind their hands about those they referred to as “living in sin.” It was not acceptable to live with someone before marriage. Fornication was a big sin back then, even though the definition of fornication was very much open to interpretation.

In the years I spent in fundamentalist evangelical churches, sexuality was essentially a topic that was draped in shame. There was living in sin, living together outside marriage. There was homosexuality. There was adultery. There were patriarchal ideas of who was in charge of when sex would be performed. It all started with the man. It was up to the man and there was no end to spousal rape embedded in fundamentalist’s theology of sex.

It was perfectly natural for men to enjoy sex, but if you masturbated, you would go blind. Women who enjoyed sex and God forbid had more than one partner were sluts and whores. The fundamentalists I grew up with would maybe not go as far as Augustine when he prescribed sex as for procreation only but they were damned close.

I grew up with a lot of shame when it came to sex. It was all too easy to slip off the straight and narrow. You could do that just by thinking the wrong thoughts. I was in my late teens and early 20s when I finally started to shake the stigma surrounding my sexuality and sexuality in general. I married a good woman and we enjoyed each other as we were meant to do. We were not confined to some theologians idea of what constituted appropriate sexuality. We delighted simply in being two humans sharing the most intimate portions of themselves with one another. When I found my wife, I found the ultimate human relationship. It is a gift God gave me.

But she was not my first sexual partner. I’ve spent a lot of time regretting that over the years. But I have come to realize that anytime an act is out of love it is not wasted. I loved others before my wife. But that in no way lessens my love for the woman I married.

As a minister I want is assure you that you’re ok no matter your sexual experience. You are welcome in the church. You are blessed by the church. Your baptism is not broken if you live with someone outside the bonds of a traditional marriage. You are still affirmed in the eyes of God if the one you love is the same sex. You can do nothing to lessen God’s love of you or your partner.

I say this because I know that many who will read my words will have been made to feel outside the love of God because of their sexuality whether heterosexual or homosexual. Some who read this may feel they don’t deserve to wed in a Christian ceremony.

There is nothing wrong with being married by a magistrate. I don’t fault anyone who does a secular ceremony. Some people just aren’t religious. It is no less an expression of love in front of a judge as in front of a priest.

But I will say that it is important, if you are a person of faith, that you feel affirmed by God in your life choice. A Christian marriage is a covenant between two people and God. Christian marriage is a sacrament because it is an expression of the grace of God. It is an expression of acceptance. No one who seeks this should be denied. No one.

So, I would encourage you that when you choose how you will marry, whether civil or religious, please understand that the doors of a Christian church do not close because your love doesn’t live up to an arbitrary doctrine of what is or is not appropriate. You and your partner are children of God and deserve to have a “family” wedding. I pray you will find the joy you deserve in your big day.

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Scott Frady

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Recovering baptist, political hobbiest, spiritual novice, and master of opinions no one asked for.

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