THE TRUMP DIARIES: (3/12/17) How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love What’s On

(Yes, the title references the sub-title to “Dr. Strangelove.)

All the hand-wringing and worried looks, the droning on at dinner parties, the seemingly endless stream of unfocused looks and eye blinking when yet another reporter gripes about Herr Trump.

It’s got to stop. Right now.

It’s time to make money!

OK, yes, sure, I get it. As Chris Rock says, “I get it! I understand!”

Sure, look, I’m the first person to say that I like free speech and civil rights. I mean, who doesn’t? Even dictators give lip service to the words, “liberty,” and, “peace.” Even that guy in military dress or the one with the unbrokered look in his eyes, even he has a certain nostalgia for his baby days when everything thing he did was special, when each vocalization was deemed worthy of a photo.

But there comes a time when we all have to grow up.

So today let’s look at ways to benefit under the regime.

Baby steps.

The first thing to do is to buy lots of stock in petrochemical companies. Hey, with ex-Exxon CEO Rex “The Shadow” Tillerson in charge of the State Department, you can be sure that the name of the game will be oil, oil, and more oil. Now that’s a focused foreign policy!

Next, invest heavily, and I do mean heavily, in health insurance and pharmaceutical companies. All this namby-pamby, wink-wink-wink on reforming the Affordable Care Act? It’s code, dude, it’s code. Premiums are going to go up and so will the costs of medications. And then all the snowflake Republicans can pay for your retirement!

Thirdly, put your money down on the banks behind the credit card companies. Like Chase and Bank of America, for starters. How else do you think that people will be able to pay for medical care without taking out loans on their credit cards? And with deregulation, and because they are the only source for loans, this means that the interest rates will go up! The interest that people will pay, hey, it’s sad, but look at it this way: More money for you because you are an investor, not a borrower! How cool is that?

And please, next time you see a Trump supporter, be sure to say: Thank you!