THE TRUMP DIARIES: (5/5/17) Survival of the Fittest

Dear Herr Trump and Herr Pence,

First of all, a big thank you. Just in general, not even so much for what you’ve done or are going to do, but just for being you. When history is written about this regime, and long after the trials, the two of you will be remembered with fondness.

“Ah, those were the good old days,” people will say, “when America took back Sudetenland and achieved great glory!”

But more to the immediacy of today’s thank you.

This new health care bill is just amazing. As an investor, it couldn’t be much better. Here are my favorite bits:

  1. The 3.8% tax on my investment income is eliminated. Woo-hoo! more money for me!
  2. Large employers no longer will be required to offer affordable coverage to their workers. As someone who has lots of money invested in big companies, the money that’s not spent on healthcare for employees means more profit for me! My stocks go up!
  3. Insurance companies can now charge higher prices to people with pre-existing conditions. More money for insurance companies means more money for me! And if people have to borrow from credit card companies, the interest they pay, which will go up due to deregulation, means, again, even more money for me! I’m worried though: Will I have time to count it?
  4. Insurance companies will now be able to charge a person, 55 year old or over, five times the price charged to a younger, healthier person. Just like with #4 above, that means more profit to me both from insurers and credit card companies. Bonus: When gramps takes out a second mortgage to pay for his medication, the interest on the loan means more profit for those of us with money invested in the banks.

This goes so far beyond healthcare. It’s a great day for those with money! Thank you, gentlemen, for subsidizing my lifestyle, you fellas are the best.

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