5 Reasons You Should Stop Dating Noam Chomsky

Sorry girl, but Noam has got to go. He’s embarrassing you in front of your friends, and its about time you made a clean break. Here are five reasons you need to stop dating Noam Chomsky.

1. He Ditched You At The Airport

You’re kidding, right? You two had booked a trip to Turks and Cacos nearly a year ago. You’ve been waiting for this. All the long hours you’ve put in, and now, Mr. Wonderful decides its time to write another dissertation as you’re boarding the plane. Leave that chump to stew about it at his MIT office.

2. He’s Jealous and Crass

You were talking to the bartender for just a little too long for his liking? You’ve got it going on, and if he can’t handle the attention you get, tell him the only consent you’ll manufacture won’t be for a long, long time. And you’re tired of him referring to your friends as “those dykes.”

3. He’s Always ‘Sick’ When You Want To Go Out Somewhere

By the time it hits you, you’re blown away. You two haven’t been out in months, and you realize this toad’s been playing you since day one. Of course, when it comes time to bang, these mystery illnesses magically disappear.

4. His Old Truck Is Up On Cinderblocks In Your Front Yard

You don’t know why he thinks this is acceptable. He can yammer on about the Palestinian/Israeli conflict, but he doesn’t have the decency to respect your property.? Remember ladies, your property is an extension of yourself, so ultimately, you’re the big loser in the end. Mr. Personality seems to be aware of every unjust occupation in the world, except the one right under his nose. Not to mention the looks of disgusted neighbors.

5. You’re Not Into Linguists

Ok, this one is your fault. You don’t care for the science of language, but you’re dating the most cited living intellectual in the world? Girl, you can be so silly sometimes.