What If I’m Having a Great Time and I Just Don’t Know It

One man’s search to reconcile his insides with his outsides.

I often look back at pictures from events in my life and look really happy and then I remember what my brain was like during that time. Filled with anxiety, dread, comparisons, all of these scary thoughts, but when I look at the picture, I see someone smiling and enjoying himself and it doesn’t look put on. So, what if I am actually having a great time and my head is just telling me some bullshit about the fact that I’m not. What if life is actually this beautiful experience all the time except inside my head? What if nothing is actually wrong? Don’t get me wrong, I mean there are still things that need to be dealt with. Global warming, homelessness, wealth disparity, human trafficking. Wait. . . if all these things are happening in the world, why would any of us have a great time? I mean if it is affecting one of us, it affects all of us. If you put a drop of red food coloring in water it changes the entire glass of water, not just part of it. Why would we think we are any different? Especially since we are made up predominately of water. So, why are we all trying to be happy instead of trying to solve the problems of the world that create so much unhappiness? Why would we think we ought to be able to sleep soundly if someone else doesn’t have a bed to sleep in or food to eat? How can we think that doesn’t impact us? Maybe rather than all of us trying to live our best lives and follow our bliss and chase happiness, maybe we ought to try to help others, ease their pain and help them feel better. And maybe, just maybe, when everyone has a bed and food and human connection, maybe the insides of our minds will match the outside of our photos.