The Revolving Door
Round and round and round…
I have always had a weird aversion to revolving doors. There is just something about them that makes me uncomfortable. I’m not claustrophobic, but if there is a regular door available, I’m taking it.
Revolving doors aren’t something I concern my thoughts with usually, but lately I can’t help but self identify with them. Because at 29, I am finding myself in a metaphorical revolving door. I was fine until I noticed it, and now I can’t unsee it.
The Grand Illusion
I have spent almost the last 4 years enjoying life, with the expected hickups along the way (because life happens). I have been solidifying relationships, things seemed to be constantly changing around me (I like a healthy amount of change), and I felt like I was moving through life like I was “supposed to.”
It has been largely an illusion though. Yes my scenery has changed, but it was just changing from inside to outside. I was walking in circles and didn’t even know it. New people came into the revolving door with me, but then they would reach their exit and move on. I had no issue with any of this, until I did. I’m not writing this to complain, I’m just needing to process this. I know I can’t be alone.
I don’t think I’m having a crisis over this realization that my life is just the same thing over and over (at least at this point it feels that way), but I’m definitely not ok with it.
The Elusive Sweet Spot
I have had big ambition since I was a child, and that hasn’t changed. If anything it has only been magnified this past week. I have always wanted to change the world, help other people succeed, and create beautiful things. It’s hard to spend a long time training for a race only to feel like I’m required to wear cement boots while everyone gets a fresh pair of Adidas.
What do I mean by that?
I feel like I am watching everyone around me find their “Sweet Spot” in life and I’m just sitting here walking in circles while seemingly everyone I know moves on with life. It sucks. This “Sweet Spot” is playing the most epic game of Hide and Seek, and it’s got an undefeated record. The “Sweet Spot” isn’t about the right job, or a relationship, or a standard of living, its about finding that spot where your life is fulfilling. I’m not there. I don’t know where “there” is.
All of this could be coming to a head because I’m approaching 30. It could be because God wants me to be ready for a change so I’m not reisistent to it when it comes… I don’t know.
What I Do Know
I know that I am not supposed to have all of the answers, as long as I can trust that God does (which I do). At the end of the day I know that He has a plan and that I need to be responsible for my part. The worst part of being a planner in life is not knowing the plan, and I am learning to trust that God has a way out of this revolving door I feel trapped in.
I also know that I can’t be the only one feeling trapped in a revolving door. You might feel like you are the only one though, and that’s honestly why I’m jotting all of this down. We are both going through this together.
The only thing I know to do in this season is to contiue to better myself, sharpen my skills, and continue to be faithful to the things I am committed to. That way, when this season comes to an end, I will be ready to leap into the next one with everything I am.
How do you keep yourself focused on the big picture? Let me know below.