no, I did not say nor was trying to say any of that.
it’s interesting that’s what you read/heard.
your comment on an opinion piece focused on the author placing white people in a “damned if you do damned if you don’t” position. systemic racism does this to POC all the time, and I found it interesting that you had no sense of irony about your statement. you are holding the author individually accountable for creating that environment (on the author’s own space on the internet, which you chose to come into), while ignoring the reality of systemic racism that contribute to this being the author’s daily lived experience simply due to skin color. you seem to be saying, no matter that being in a “damned if you do damned if you don’t” position is the real, lived experience of POC in the US on a systemic level, the most important thing *to you* is that the author not imply similarly unjust sentiments toward white people. your individual feelings are certainly important on an individual level, but neither the author’s piece nor my reply were about you or your feelings and it just seems real fucking weird that you keep bringing it back to your feelings rather than trying to understand the author’s feelings.
you also said “ When every single action gets parsed, only to have it come out wrong despite the good intent behind it (because that’s the default for being white), it becomes time to say the hell with it already.” “every single action gets parsed” — this is literally something that happens to non white people every day — reaching for your wallet when that cop pulls you over (even though you had done nothing to warrant being pulled over, except of course having brown skin) may lead to being shot due to your action being parsed incorrectly despite the good intent behind it. yet you assert that is the “default for being white”…. huh?
the author is an individual expressing an individual opinion which is simply not equivalent to systemic racism. yet also in your original comment you state: “Content like this written piece implies I am incapable of empathy and compassion simply because I am white…and my life experience has been so darn good that I can’t possibly imagine the burden of grief.” you are strongly suggesting that the individual’s opinion is racist, and nowhere do you explicitly recognize the difference between individual interactions / opinions and systemic racism, which white people do not encounter.
“The common ground here, the reason people want to ally, is because they do understand grief. They may not understand or have felt the particulars of your grief, but they do understand the universal feeling of grief.” if you don’t want to understand the particulars of the author’s grief, then why are you reading their writing? and if you think people want to ally due to understanding grief, why does your only comment on the original piece focus on your own grief at feeling poorly represented due to your skin color, and totally ignore the author’s grief?