I Need to Talk About My Miscarriage
ashley williams

I am so sorry that you had to experience this loss. Thank you for sharing your story. A month ago, I was 16 weeks pregnant. This was baby #6 for us…. but really baby #12. I am no longer pregnant. On 16 weeks exactly, with no pain, no notice at all, it was like a balloon burst inside me, and my baby came out. There was blood everywhere. I called my Mom who lives 3 minutes away, and my husband and I drove to the hospital. It felt like I was in a movie…like it wasnt me… it couldnt be me. I still felt no pain, physically… and I was convincing myself that maybe, just maybe…she was okay…she was hanging in there…until I looked down and my pants, the truck seat and all around me, was covered in blood. I had to have a D and C that day to stop the bleeding. I had 2 blood transfusions. My beautiful baby was gone. I was showing. I bought maternity clothes… I am 42 years old and this was my..thought I was having a pre menopause baby… I was so excited. My heart will never be the same. I, will never be the same. Having to tell my children…my friends.. the people at the grocery store who saw me large and glowing, and now small and weak and broken. I dont want to go out, I dont want to see people. I want to stay home with my beautiful precious children and savor every second. I miss my baby, I sometimes feel her move, and have to remind myself, its not her. People know, and they ignore it. I had to take my 3 year old into the doctor. My doctor was not there when I lost my baby, she knows…she never said a word…not a sorry…nothing. Like it never happened…like my Hope never existed. She did…she was growing inside me and she was so loved. I tiptoed to keep her safe…never lifted anything….ate well and only had one cup of coffee a day. I took my vitamins, what did I do wrong ?????? Why me and why 7 times ???????????? The other miscarriages were 8–10 weeks along…I thought I was in the clear this time. Thank you for sharing your story, and for allowing me to talk about mine. All the best to you and everyone out there who has an aching heart.

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