This Time Around On OKCupid

This has got to be my 3rd (at least) time on OKCupid, since I left my ex husband 6 years ago. I stayed up until 4:30, this morning, setting up my account. And as I predicted, I woke up to an inbox full of messages and “likes” (OKCupid now makes you pay to see who “likes” you. Seriously)

I forgot how fun it is when you first open an account and the vultures rush in. It’s kind of like when you moved and had to go to a new school, as a kid. You were the fresh meat and for the first month of the school year (at least) you could take your pick. Granted they were mostly bottom feeders, who all tried to rush you while you ate lunch, in the cafeteria, but you still had your pick….of the bottom feeders.

As fun as I’m saying it is now, I will, most likely, be fed up and wanting to delete my account in a good 6 months to a year. In the beginning it’s exciting to get dressed up and go on dates. But 9 to 12 months into it and you’re laying on the couch in your sweats making lists of pros and cons about the guy you’re supposed to be seeing that night. The formula is simple. Think long and hard about the likelihood of this date actually going anywhere. (I mean he sounds funny, but he has those weird eyebrows.) Google where you’re supposed to meet, google what the typical gas mileage is for your car, and how much that will cost, to go there and back home. Assume he’s not going to pick up the check and factor in that cost. Think about how much shampoo and conditioner you will use when you wash your hair (I have long hair and I don’t buy the cheap shit). Just in cost alone you are looking at spending what 4 months of Netflix costs you. When you lay it all out like that it’s pretty easy to decide if this guy is really worth it. Chances are he is not going to make you feel like it was worth all the hassle and money to meet him and listen to him go on about his dull job.

I have considered just fixing myself up less. Maybe some people would get 2 hours of getting ready, with heels and the rest, and someone else might just get pajamas and a pair of flip flops. It’s like being at the horse track. You never know for sure, but you’re betting based on what you know about them. I just can’t get myself to walk out the door in whatever I’m wearing, with no makeup. I really wouldn’t wish that on anyone, and that’s just disrespectful.

The main issue when setting up an OKCupid profile is being meticulous about what you write about yourself and the questions you answer. For example, I do not mention sex anywhere on my profile, but when they ask what 6 things you couldn’t live without and I wrote down “human touch” as one of them. This straight up means you’re a whore, and it is enough to get sex messages and guys saying stuff like: “hey, I’ll give you some human touch”.

People don’t like to talk about it, but it’s marketing. People need to quit being in denial. Everything in life is about marketing. We all think about how we act, or talk, or treat people, based on how we expect to be treated. So, although the feminists say you should be able to put half nude pics on your dating profile, and not have men think that you’re mainly looking for sex, it’s just not possible. You have to know your audience.

Usually I decide, whether I’ll meet someone or not, based on either 1. They are attractive and sound interesting and fun to talk to. Or 2. The date would be so hilariously entertaining that you just can’t pass it up. Some of my most fun first dates are with men who I know I will never see again. But they’re fun as hell, and I need more of that in my life.

So, here I go again. Mostly it’s to have fun, but if I meet someone who I really connect with then that’s even better.

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