Interesting. You want other men to point out the flaws in other men. Good luck with that. You are in an undeclared war of symbolism. You are fighting centuries of the male/female dynamic. If you are expecting to see any moments of conquering achievements, Disney happy ending movies are for you because it’s not on the horizon anytime soon. The tone of this response is not an indictment against you, it is the reality of the subject. There are too many variables going into this topic: socialization, economics, race, perception, history, etc. I’ve watched over this past 20 years of a particular subject that has been beaten to death and that topic is female empowerment in movies. Drag out any Hollywood actress over the past 20 years and they talk incessantly about film roles and the empowerment issue and the message they wish to convey. They’ve discussed that roles are limited for aging actresses or the roles are written in diminishing return. But nobody is holding anything against them and at this stage, anybody can write, get a high definition camera and shoot whatever part they want for themselves just like Zoe Lister-Jones from Life in Pieces did with her film Band Aid. The film was directed by her and written by her and she hired an all female crew. And then there is the topic of perception with films. Every actress is focusing on portraying a strong female character. It’s the main focus but not every role should be about that if you are being honest in depicting human emotion. Natalie Portman won an Oscar for portraying a woman who had mental issues. She was not a strong person but a psychologically messed up person. Charlize Theron has a film coming out called Atomic Blonde. She plays a bad ass killer but truthfully, it’s just John Wick in a dress.

Your issues with some men is that you are trying to change centuries of habit and you can’t do that. It’s like you wanting to change racism, it’s just not possible because it is generational. You would think that after all this time we would have gotten better in talking to one another but low and behold, some asshole steps up to the plate and shines the spotlight on the ignorance and it’s not just this country, it’s global. How do you stop a pandemic attitude? Can you stop the killing of women in Arab countries from dying after being accused of infidelity or not having an adequate dowry? The problem you are having in comparison to these women is negligible. Nobody should be dying just because somebody brushed up on your ass or a guy looks at an ass or your perceived outrage is challenged.

Back to Hollywood for a second, when ever men discuss these films, you never hear them say that this is a strong man role. Men don’t care. The role could be a piece of shit and they could look like a buffoon but they are plowing ahead regardless. I never heard Seth Rogen make such a claim.

A few old white men from Hollywood’s 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s instituted policies and practices for the rest of society in this country. They were the puppet masters. Alfred Hitchcock, John Ford, The Warner Brothers, and the racist Walt Disney decided on what women should be like in films and that was that. But somewhere in this lineage of film history, the tone and symbolism changed and it was met with resistance because that is a Newton law, with every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Your friend who came to your aid in apologizing for his friend is questionable. From a guy’s point of view, I’d say he was just laying down the groundwork just to sleep with you. And you see, that is a perception rooted in years of indoctrination because that what guy’s do. Scientist and researchers have shown that there is significant differences in the male brain versus the female brain.

You battle is ahead of you. I do not know what your strategy may be but the battle will be a long one, maybe too long for you to fight. History is lined with many women who have battled for various causes and rights on behalf of women. Some have been won, others have remain dormant and others left untold. Somewhere as you keep journeying through life, you will have to decide which battle to join, the ass brushing one or the female empowerment one or the women dying for status in other countries or for any of a hundred other issues ranging from reproductive rights to basic human decency. You are your own best advocate and while some men may demonstrate a concern and they do have concerns for women, not every guy is a piece of shit, the majority of men just can’t process it where it eventually becomes white noise. That too has been scientifically proven where men tends to zone out on a woman’s voice after a certain time. Women speak more, men do not. Good luck in your quest.

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Bobbie L. Washington

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Architectural Designer, Writer, Music Composer, Photographer, Film Editor, Project Manager, Producer, Director