Double Standards: Respect for the Grind

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve at some point known a guy who was “grinding”. Just for clarification, that means following a dream, working their ass off to get something they want. It could be literally working 13 hours a day for a promotion or to build up a certain amount of money…it could be working all day then writing music, poems or a book at night…making music for an obscene number of hours…anything that’s going to get them an end result that they’re passionate about. They’re aiming for something specific and they know what it is…and they’re going for it. Period. We don’t usually ask too many questions about it, but we respect their grind…and we respect it blindly.

But what about women who are doing the same thing? Working all day then writing a book or blog or column at night…or working all day at a full time job then being the on-site MakeUp Artist (that’s what that “MUA” tag you see on Instagram means, by the way) at 6am for a wedding, photo shoot or movie. Many of them dually being a parent to a small child…Whatever the mix may be…it’s a grind. Women that share that mentality understand it, and have the utmost respect for their counterparts. Men however…they don’t respect it as much. They belittle the grind as if women can’t possibly share the same strength, focus and desire to reach their goals as they can. They may even think it’s… “cute”.

God forbid you tell them their grind is “cute” though. You’ll get 82 versions of “Are you trying to play me????” barked at you. It makes you wonder…why the difference?

Men want an independent woman. That’s the norm nowadays. And women want to be independent. So why is it “cute” as opposed to respected when women have a goal in sight and go for it full speed ahead?? Perhaps it’s because women don’t complain as much. They tend to keep their progress quiet…and manage to look damn good all the while.

Maybe it’s because femmes are calmer, less boastful…and a little bit mysterious. Picture a woman on a date with a successful man. He’s talking about the properties he has, drives a new Range…has a Hermes belt peeking out oh so subtly…etc, etc. She’s listening, observing and analyzing the situation. He thinks she’s “just” a student at the state university finishing her degree late, who drives a nice car-it’s a little old, but it‘s a nice car-that her parents probably bought her. He thinks she’s impressed with everything he has and all the flashiness he’s putting on display. Little does he know, she’s actually working on her second degree…owns her own web developing company…designs, builds and codes websites…designed the website for the company he works at…and purchased that older car herself…which she’s paid off. Little does he know…she lives in a smaller apartment (albeit fabulous) because she’s stacking her money, following her dreams…and has plans to hand pick the next city she moves to after visiting a variety of potential destinations.

Why doesn’t he know this? Because she doesn’t feel he needs to know all of that yet. She doesn’t feel as though she needs to tell him how hard she’s worked, what hardships she’s faced, or complain about what she’s ‘been through’. If she did, he’d blow it off anyway…because her grind doesn’t compare to his, right?

This post isn’t going to answer the question at hand…but it should make you think. Ladies, don’t complain about your struggles to men…or other women…unless you’re certain they share the same mentality as you. Regardless of the gender, most of them don’t care about your troubles, or are glad you have them. Men, don’t judge a book by it’s cover and respect women as more than something pretty. Respect to get respect. We all grind…men and women alike…we deal with the same lack of faith from friends and family members and we keep chasing our goals anyway. We are our own cheerleaders. We are equals. Lets respect each other as such. We just might learn something useful.

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