Go to the profile of Ir(relevant) Thoughts
Ir(relevant) Thoughts
Aspiring writer that just wants to be noticed in a sea full of people.

Insecurities about Myself

As my first post, I decided to write about my insecurities because, well, we all have them. So why not write and discuss about them?

  1. My hair (the hair on my head)- As a Southeastern Asian woman, I was blessed with curly, curly hair. Growing up, most of the girls of my ethnicity did not have my hair type or texture, which sorta made me feel… weird? I mean, when you’re a kid, anything that isn’t the norm just looks weird af you know? I think the moment when I started feeling uncomfortable with my hair was in elementary school. Back then, whenever we had to leave the classroom, you had to line up against the wall. And I would usually end up last because a lot of the other kids did not want to stand behind my hair… Granted, my hair was REALLY big and frizzy, but that still doesn’t give someone the right to make you feel that way. When I got older, I became obsessed with straightening my hair (in middle school I would straight my hair every 3 days) and I spent a lot of time on the side trying to find natural ways to make my hair more straight. I even considered getting my hair permed straight as well… And if there was ever a formal event, I would feel that my hair wasn’t good enough for that and that I just HAD to straighten it to look more professional/prettier. I swear, I envied so many girls that had straight hair. All the other brown girls had straight/wavy-ish hair and I just felt like a monster. For a big part of my life, I just felt ugly with curly, black hair. But, as I got older, I started to embrace my natural locks because… I straight up got lazy. Unless I had a dance or wedding, I always kept my hair curly, but in a bun. Basically, I’m closer to embracing my natural hair, but sorta cheated because I keep it in a bun. But sometimes I let it down! So still, a major improvement from 7 year old me. My mom has also been telling me that she likes my hair as well, (she too had curly-ish hair but not as curly as mine; She would usually encourage me to straighten my hair when I was younger) so that kind of helps my self-esteem.
  2. My body hair- OK, this may be TMI, but whatever. Body hair is HUGE HUGE HUGE insecurity of mine. Mainly because we live in a world where woman are suppose to be these naked mole rat creatures for men to ponder at. Also, sometimes, other women judge you if you have hairy legs too. As a fellow brown girl, I have a generous amount of hair. Everywhere. Threading/waxing salons are my best friends basically. When I was younger, I used to get my upper lip and eyebrows threaded every 2 weeks. 2. Freaking. Weeks. Now that I’m older, I do it whenever, mainly because I am broke af and I have tweezers. Also, since big eyebrows became “trendy,” I don’t feel the need to tame these bad boys as much. Remember when girls used to make fun of you for big eyebrows? And now those same girls are busting their asses off for big brows? Where’s the kermit emoji when you need one?
  3. My voice- As a girl, I think my voice is very… manly? I don’t find it pretty at all and I always CRINGE when I watch videos of myself. Like, why do I sound that way? How come other girls sound cuter and I sound like someone’s mom? Yeah. I mean, sometimes I feel cool because if I ever cross-dressed then I could really play the part.. but at the same time I find it kinda sad that the only upside I saw in my voice is in cross-dressing. Yeah. Yeah…
  4. My laugh- I feel like this should be a sub-category of the my voice section but… nah. Don’t care. But yeah, if you know me personally, then you know I have a weird, weird laugh. Half the people love it. Half the people hate it. I think there was a rumor in high school that went around that said I laughed like this on purpose. Yeah, because I really want to sound like a dying cat on purpose right? Yeah, no. My mom has told me countless of times to change my laugh, and I just look at her like she has three heads. But honestly, having a weird laugh can be a major conversation starter. But usually, it’s just another way to get people look at you like you’re an alien. Sigh.
  5. My skin tone- Growing up, I have been taught to “want” lighter skin. Want is in quotations because honestly, that’s physically impossible. In Bangladesh, fair and lovely is a cream brand and it is used in commercials all the time to show that your skin gets lighter with each use. And there, you feel that beauty is correlated with lighter skin. BUT IT’S NOT THOUGH. And lately, I have been embracing this melanin. Maybe I won’t be desirable to others in my fellow community, but at least I know for myself that skin tone doesn’t dictate if I am pretty or not. But, I will admit, sometimes I revert back to that mindset, which SUCKS.

And there you have it folks! My first written post :) Y’all enjoy!