Get More of What You Want (and Less of What You Feel)

Many of us find that we aren’t getting what we want from life, but fail to recognize that this is because we’re getting only what we feel.

There is a difference between wanting and feeling. When we use our feelings to guide our actions, it’s no wonder we don’t get the things we want.

Consider the example of your alarm clock. When you go to sleep at night, you set the alarm for the time you want to get up. Maybe you tell yourself, “I’ll hop out of bed at 5 AM and go to the gym!”

But what happens when the alarm goes off the next morning? Maybe you still want to go to the gym, but at that moment, you don’t feel like it.

Mel Robbins says that when you want to change your life, there’s one fact that you have to confront:

You are never going to feel like it.

Because change only happens outside your comfort zone, you’re never going to feel comfortable with change.

And it is change that we all want, because most of us haven't mastered the concept of wanting the things we already have. What we want are things we haven’t got. Therefore… we seek change, which requires us to experience negative emotions.

Jennice Vilhauer says that we rarely act on what we want. Instead, we act on what we expect.

Because expectations often come with negative emotions, such as anxiety, fear, dread, our feelings get in the way of our wantings.

Mel’s advice is to use the Five Second Rule to override our feelings, and instead act on our wantings. She recommends counting down 5–4–3–2–1 to help springboard us into a future that we’re looking forward to.

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Thomas P Seager, PhD

Written by Self-Actual Engineering @seagertp Join