You wanna know what it’s like to be depressed? Here goes…
Well I wake up on a Sunday at about 6am, crying from the nightmares I routinely experience of being locked up in a mental institute or my loved one killing themselves because I was too much to bare, then I lye In bed for the next 3–4 hours crying and not having the energy to get out of my bed, but if anyone comes in I’ll just look at my phone and not turn around as I speak so they don’t know anything is wrong, that’s the hard part.
Then I go upstairs to get breakfast while my whole family is there and I hear them make comments constantly telling me to smile and I just say I’m preoccupied with thoughts of work, when really I’m visualising putting a knife through my arm and cutting vertically so I never have to go through this routine again, I quickly eat whatever I can and then I head down to my room so I can disappear from the real world, it makes me feel safe
It’s hell within my own mind, fighting against survival instincts as this existence hurts too much and maybe I’ll get to finish this routine some day