Even is a Goal

-Sean Anthony Lopez

Odd that it is this poem starts the way it does
Odd that the first word in the title is "even"
Even more so that "odd" would be the first word in the poem
Odd that it is my life lacks balance
Even though balance is the one thing I wanted
Odd that it is that my brain works like this
Odder now I say it with little hope to ever understand it
Even more odd that though I don’t understand it
I understand not knowing it
Odd that it is I pursued love and hapiness
Even though I can’t say I really deserved them
But simply because I believe few people deserve most things
And most things that happen to people are not deserved
Odd how the order of words can change the meaning of a sentence
Even more odd that the sentence never lost any words
Odd that I’d feel like I lost something important
Even if it were not really mine to lose from the beginning
Odd now that everything has ended
But even more so that I feel it must go on
Odd that you are out there seemingly unknowing
While it’s odd that I bother to keep on fanning
That odd flame that still burns within me
Even though you have likely moved on without me
Odd that I blamed myself for your bad habits and terrible communicating
Odd that I would consider them bad when bad is subjective
Even more so when my behaviors were just as subjectively bad
Odd that you could not see what I was seeing
Trying to take up all the odd pieces lying about
And putting them back together again to make things even
Because even has always been a goal of mine
Ever since I could reason
Even when I was acting selfish
It was the attempt to restore balance
To make things even
Odd then that you could only see one side winning
One side giving
One side taking
Sacrificing
Your attempt to keep things odd
Odder that all your odd parts added up to be even
Even though you couldn’t take me at my oddest
Odder then that you would take time to appreciate my oddness
And even more so that I was so odd to begin with
Having dedicated my life to restore even
Odd then that you would break my heart
Even though you said I broke yours
But more so that I’d send you away
And be the one to destroy our even
Odd that it is in my attempt to save even
That I’d be left alone
Just one and truly odd
Even more odd that I will never abandon my goal
And so for many of you who say you simply can’t even
I want to implore you that, in fact, you can
You can even
Even if it seems a little odd that you do
Trust me, I know
Even is a goal that you can reach
It’s true
Even is the goal for you
Even if it leaves you odd and wanting
One thing you can’t settle for
Is a person who takes your even and makes it odd
Or, oddly enough, takes your odd and then leaves them

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