Tonight

-Sean Anthony Lopez

I couldn’t sleep
I didn’t want to
And I didn’t want to remain in bed
So I left
I got up and I went out
I wanted to sit beneath the stars
I wanted to feel their shine fall over me
But when I looked up
I noticed
Like some silly joke
That the sky was empty
And so was I
So I kept walking
I thought maybe
Maybe some kind of meaning would show itself to me
Maybe I might feel something
Get some sense of
Anything
Because something was there
But I couldn’t make words of it
I don’t know if it was fear
Or confusion
But I was a mess
I couldn’t feel my feet anymore
They just kept going
Pulling me ahead
I wanted nothing more than to see you
Tonight
Every night
But tonight more so
I felt panicked 
Why
I don’t know
Walking the street made me feel so alone
But I didn’t want that
And when the car drove by me
I was reminded that I was still a part of it all
No comfort though
Just the feeling that I was surrounded
Surrounded by others whom may never know
Who I am
Who you are
Or the fact that we ever met
Why do I need to feel this connection now
I use to be fine
Believing that I could float through
Unnoticed 
Here one moment 
Gone the next
But now
Now I want to be permanent 
I want you to see me
I want that car to turn around and stop
Just stop beside me
And recognize me
And tell me it’s too late to be walking around
Go home, go home
But I can’t 
I can’t go back to that empty bed
Because tonight 
I wanted to see the stars
I wanted to see them with you
Tonight
I don’t want to be alone
I want only to be with you
It is dramatic 
It all is
This life is a show
I want so desperately to fill these skies with stars
Tonight
At least just tonight
Fill them like I fill these lifeless
Blank sheets
Of nothingness 
With ink
And worth
And form broken sentences
Pretty strings of words
Tonight
I want my writing to pour from my heart
And fill this empty street
This empty sky
And my empty heart
I want to fill that hole with something more
More than just my words
I want to keep walking
Walk down this street
Until my feet lead me to your doorsteep
Wherever it might be
And forget
Forget all this other nonsense
Let time pause
And be still
Just be still
As I hold you
And forget
And melt
Tonight
I would like nothing more

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