A Series of Unfortunate Simp Tendencies: Kindergarten

Russell Wilson and Ciara
Whoever invented cooties probably ended up creating Backpage. If you don’t know what that is, do your Googles, then come back to this article. Either, I just helped you discover Narnia or you think I have definitely indulged. But this is all beside the point.

I don’t remember when or why but Andrea had my heart pounding, my palms sweating, and my neck leaning for most if not all of kindergarten. Your boy was sprung, but he didn’t even know it. The feeling was nice, and my dumb grin showed it. If her food was too hot, hopefully, I did not run over to blow it.

We were inseparable that year. Not only were we in the same class, we rode the same bus, and we also lived in the same neighborhood. In my simple mind, everything happens for a reason. So this “thing” between Andrea and I was meant to be.

My mom was butt hurt after I told her I didn’t need her to watch me walk to the bus stop anymore. The truth was that I didn’t want her ogling me as I gleefully hovered over two houses down to Andrea’s. That and I was no longer nervous about monsters popping out the bushes and nabbing my ass.

But wait there’s more…

Instead of just Andrea and I forming a dynamic duo. The homie, Ben, rounded out our terrific trio. And if you look behind door number four, you guessed it! Ben also had butterflies whenever Andrea came around. Because love triangles always make for a better story, right?

Now, we didn’t have a dick swinging contest, because what are those at our age and in that time. But Ben and I had a healthy and friendly “hey, Andrea look at me” competition. By Halloween, Andrea had to have noticed both Ben and I were vying for the other half of her ice cream sandwich.

Thru it all, Ben and I stayed thick as thieves.

It didn’t matter that Andrea just kept cartwheeling in amusement while we bickered about who’s Dirty Dan. Or that even after her parents whisked her away to Texas, I still had hope for us to work out a long distance relationship. And even though eighteen years have gone, if we passed each other in public, we most likely wouldn’t notice one another, that I still want to know whether she thought I was Kevin and Ben was just one of the Eds.

So I say all that to say this (Shout out to Taxstone)

Know when to stop keeping hope alive.

The names in this post were changed, but the narrative is true to my recollection. If you are the person in this post and you have a different perspective, go tell your truth elsewhere. Leave a comment below if you have a better moral to the story or you just feel like venting.