There is nothing more important to one’s well-being, particularly their psychological health, than to be independent. Thought by Erik and Joan Erickson healthy development from childhood to adulthood involved gradually becoming more independent. Today many obstacles are placed in the way of this development, from an unreasonable drinking age to spending too much time in school and not enough time honing a craft. You as an individual cannot change these or any other factors that knowingly or unwittingly cause many of us to be dependent. We can, however, take charge of ourselves and attempt to acquire to personal independence. A great way to acquire independence is through your own strengths, managing your weakness and applying a unique touch in your craft. If you are capable of applying these, nothing not economic collapse, not tyranny not even poor health can stand in your way.
What independence is an is not
Let us look at the base of the word, dependence. Babies are dependent on parents, they steadily grow older becoming psychologically healthier and are on a path to independence by their late teens (Erikson’s theory). Many of us, from time to time, fall prey to the ease and familiarity of dependence. It brings us to a childlike state in which things were “easy” but your memories are very much eschewed. You couldn’t do anything worthwhile and you were beholden to others for everything. So the natural assumption, is that isolation from others (parents or figures of authority) will offer us independence.
However, independence is not isolation. We are social animals, as noted by the Erikson family, keeping yourself locked away, physically or mentally, from the world is a quick route to mental illness. Isolation is adopted by narcissist that build up echo chambers to scream into. Although independence will give you the option to be alone when you wish, isolation is not the exact definition nor the end goal. Sorry hermits you are going to have to interact with people, there is no way around this.
Whereas the hermit will hide from people and the dependent child will cling to others the independent person is different animal. An independent person is capable of solving problems on their own and still have a healthy relationship with others. If you can do this, which is not easy, you will have wealth not just in resources but in relationships. Nothing is more attractive to a figure of authority, a suitor or a family than a person that can take care of their own affairs and is pleasant to be around.
How to earn independence; Look to the Stars.
Connor McGregor, the man buys what he wants, says what he wants, behaves how he wants and right now, he has a life many envy. Looking past all the custom suits, the beautiful sports cars, and solid gold pocket watches, the greatest asset he has is his independence. Any problem that arises in his world he is able to face it all the while maintaining strong relationships with those around him. We cannot be Conor, but we can learn from him.
Self-assessment, what are your strengths and weaknesses? Knowing thy self is a cornerstone of Sun Tzu, Da Vinci, and Robert Greene. Taking classes you can get an easy A in or getting a job that earns “good money” is very alluring. But look inward and understand where your strengths and weakness lie. Identifying and amplifying your strength is the best way to earn independence. As Melians states in The History of the Peloponnesian War “The Strong Do What They Can, And The Weak Suffer What They Must”. If you are capable of becoming the top 10% in any field (The Strong) you can typically write your own ticket. This is a much easier task than it sounds, apply the 80/20 law to your field, now you are left with 20% to wrestle with, from there you can create a sub-genre or do something no one else is doing. If you can manage these three tasks you will soon be independent.
Max out strengths, everyone at the top of their field focuses on what makes them strong. Strength can come in all shapes and sizes it could be something that is learned in formal education such as finance or something more informal such as humor. Whatever it is if you are good at it and enjoy it to a degree invest some time and start develop that strength. Conor has stated very plainly his keys to success, his footwork, his understanding of movement and a “left hand that could put a horse to sleep”, this is what he uses 80% of the time. Conor honed in on these strengths and took them from their natural good, to a level that can destroy champions in seconds. Conor understands that he is strong in these areas but had a very humbling moment when Nate Diaz, exposed his weakness to the world. Conor is not a world class grappler, nor a cardio machine and he is not freakishly strong. A narcissist would simply ignore their weakness and repeat their mistakes. Conor is not a narcissist.
Bring weaknesses up to par, minimize them and outsource the rest. Once defeated Conor merely got his weaknesses to a passable standard and again maxed out his strengths for the second fight. Working on his ground game and take-down defense, Nate was meet with much more resistance. Conor used his footwork to avoid the larger opponent strength and slowed his quick pace to avoid the cardio battle Diaz is capable of waging. You too should work to bring weakness to an acceptable level, you can always get good at your weak points you will never be the best. Assess what can be avoided, whether emails, research or rear naked chokes. As far as outsourcing goes, Conor brought in great BJJ fighters and nutritionist to better prep for Diaz. You too should look to those around you, people are likely trying to earn independence with their strengths as well, make use of them.
What to do with independence
Protect your new found independence, from both internal and external threats. Dependence is always near, it is easy to become fat and happy where you are, this should be identified soon. Be aware of your coping mechanisms, these will lead you down to dependence. Not only drugs, sex, and alcohol but your preconceived notions, material positions even your social circle can snare you. Aside from family and true friends, dependent people should be avoided, at all cost. Be vigilant, people will prey on you for your independence, they may even go as far as to make you dependent on you through passive aggressive games. Make no mistake though, you are the greatest threat to yourself.
Be the ruler of your own corner of the world. Only a few people are going to be president, but that doesn’t mean you can’t rule a select area. Carve out a niche. If you can, as Peter Thiel suggest, create a company that is so different and so strong, no one is going to compete with you, customers will come to you and very few will find the energy to fight you. A small monopoly is what you should aim for in your business, sports, and everyday life. It is strength and your personal touch that will lead to your Niche.
Help others, an odd choice for closing thoughts for independence. But you will find times when you will need others, the best way to get help from them is to offer them help in their time of need. If you are independent, you can use your strong skills to help others become independent. Remember you do not need to be a hermit to be independent, in fact, there is nothing more beneficial to those around you than to be independent yourself.
