The 10 Worst Album Covers I’ve Ever Seen

What in the HELL were these people thinking?

Okay, Okay, I know. “Worst Album Covers” is an overdone bit with most every blogger getting in on the action at some point. Guilty as charged. But hey, you get my scintillating insight and humor this time. All delivered with the deep respect and love I have for my readers. And, hey, it’s not like I’m charging you to read this, buttface.

Anyway, a quick shoutout to the folks across teh internets who did the hard work of find all of these album covers in the first place. Especially the gone, but never forgotten, internet comedy legend TeamJimmyJoe.

Family religious music album covers are supposed to instill a wholesome feeling of togetherness and warmth. This album cover instills a feeling that I should immediately call Child Protective Services. Could those kids look any more terrified to be there? Especially the oldest boy on the left, the one wearing that knowing, haunted look that seems to say “I know what really happened to daddy’s first wife, but I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

Every high school had a guy like Cody. He was the one you bought low-grade weed from, and hoped that he wouldn’t make you listen to a story about the chick he banged last weekend in his tasty ’82 Fiero. He owns every Foreigner cassette ever made, but only listens to pre-Agent Provocateur offerings, because “that was when the band had *integrity*, dude.”

I’m not quite sure what the message of this one is. Are they trying to tell me I need to start dancing right away, because the police are going to show up soon. Or are they saying that I’d better start dancing or else the police are going to show up? I think I need to get to the root of that one before I attempt to tackle why a couple of posh English dudes are trying to convince me they were in The Last Dragon.

“Okay, Davey? Wardrobe’s here. We thought we’d shake things up a bit and have you dress like the guy who works the oaf-tossing booth at a Renaissance Fair. No, no, trust me, the chicks will love it!”

The really sad thing is, this kid actually could jam pretty good.

I was in Tijuana once, in the late 1980s. I don’t remember it being anything like this…

Now, this, I remember! Boy, the Tijuana PD sure had some strange booking procedures back then…

And people wonder why I carry a gun..

I’m getting a distinct Deliverance / serial killer vibe from ol’ Herb here. Though I admit the menace is somewhat lessened by the presence of an instrument from the woodwind family. After all, it’s a known fact musical killers prefer the trombone.

Looking over the comments I had intended to make on this one forced me to confront the existential question of: “Man, just how much of an asshole am I?”

And finally:

SWM seeking woman for possible long-term relationship. Must be fun, like flowers, and have an obsession with Andy Warhol.

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