Coach Sean Talks Ryan Lochte
As a former swim coach, I feel like I have particular insight into the disgraced US swimmers’ current predicament. Were they drunken, racist idiots who caused an international incident for virtually no reason? Yes. But they also forgot the fundamentals of their sport.
1. Remember the importance of streamlining.
When you dive in or push off a wall, it is crucial to hold a tight streamline position to move efficiently through the water, conserving energy and reducing drag. Similarly, when you and your friends make up a fake story about a robbery, it’s crucial to streamline the details. Muggers beat you up? Sure. Muggers pretending to be cops? And one of you refuse to lay down, even at gunpoint? Now that’s unnecessarily sticking your head up, and that’s how people catch up to you.
2. Time your flip correctly.
Know when you’re about to hit the wall, and adjust accordingly. When doing backstroke, you have to count your strokes and pay attention to the flags. When Ryan Lochte flew home early from Brazil, that was a giant red flag! You need to flip BEFORE your bullshit story crashes! Once authorities have pulled you off of a plane and seized your passport, that’s far too late to flip on your friends.
3. Pay attention to the video.
Watching film can give you crucial insight into your performance. Maybe your elbows should be higher on freestyle. Maybe you’re not pulling past your hips quickly enough on butterfly. Or maybe the gas station’s security camera caught you breaking down a door and then urinating against a wall. Reviewing the tape can get you out of jail, and onto the podium.
4. Brazilians are your friends.
Swim races often come down to the hundredth of a second. Swimmers must take every precaution to reduce friction, both in and out of the pool. If you’re already wearing a synthetic swim cap and waxing your chest, it’s just stupid to be dismissive of Brazilians. Things will go much, much smoother, even if you and your dumb friends got shithouse drunk at 4 AM.
5. Don’t punch a gas station security guard.
No matter what age group I’m teaching, I deliver the same speech on the first day of practice. Get to practice on time. Do your best and have fun. Listen when the coach is talking. And don’t punch a gas station security guard, just because you have to pee. Use your words. Admittedly, bladder control is generally only a big issue for 6 & Unders, but this incident proves it can affect swimmers of all ages.
