TFW Minimalism Is The Answer (And Also The Motto!)

TBQH I don’t own literally anything, but those objects that have yet to claim independence from my personage are hauled along with me on this journey in a backpack.

They currently include one Kindle®, an iPad Mini™, a first-generation iPod that was just like, too retro to not have on me, you know? And Zico™ Coconut Water, of which I own 51%. It gives you wings! Or whatever.

In every moment you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Assuming you’re not too poor to Uber to like, the cute parts of wherever. You know?

I used to own a refrigerator, but then I threw it away. My body is slowly decaying; sustenance is an illusion I can no longer afford to believe in. I’ve stopped growing, so what is the point? No, tell me. What is the point? God, I’m so lonely.

I mainly use Facebook to share articles, written mainly by people I know. But I know a lot of people and a lot of people know me. Life is circuitous like that. A network of meaning and, if we’re lucky, mindfulness. Please share this article on your Facebook™. I can personally guarantee that Mark Zuckerberg will see it.

“What does it really mean to be a minimalist?”

I never answer the phone or even when people call my name. My given name is an obstruction saddled upon me by my birth mother, who wouldn’t fit in my one bag. Her phone number is 555–217–9798. You could call her, but she’s dead. Try it and see.

Our brains forget 99% of the information they ingest. I’ve forgotten why I’m writing this journal entry. Oh, right, because you should subscribe to my podcast, The Zico™ Mindfulness Hour.

“How do I stay grounded™?”

Sometimes I’ll respond to an email ten years later just because it’s fun, and to be like, surprise, I’ve been camped out in your basement the entire time. Like 50% of Americans I am nothing without my podcast.

Experiences happen when you CONNECT and then synergize those connections with a first round of seed funding.

I have 4,098,762 unanswered emails. Subscribe to my podcast to find out what they say. (Number 2,897 will shock you!)

Did I get more “free” today?

Trick question. There is no freedom, only the absence of restraint. When people ask me how I stay motivated I reply: Stop. I hold my hand up and back away from them slowly until I feel I have empowered my point to prove itself.

Sometimes I take my joy and reflect on it, but the experience of reflecting becomes a tapestry of emotion that won’t fit in my one bag. So I unravel the tapestry each night and feed it to wild birds whom I call upon with birdsong. We sit and we eat my feelings tapestry until we are sated and then dissipate into the night again.

“Should I keep my house?”

I am commonly asked this question. The answer is no. Yes. I don’t know. Set fire to your home gently and then turn your back on it. Do you cry? Did you remember to save your dog? Your family? Trick question: you never had either. (I’m sorry for your loss.)

“How do I know if I’m really alive?”

Lol you don’t. Alive is a construct. Living is a contradiction. The real question you should ask yourself is: Is my brand thriving? Seek your second round of funding now. You can’t show month over month contraction.

Society™ doesn’t want you to be a minimalist. It wants you to hold onto the past, which is stupid, unless you, like me, have a first-generation iPod that still works. Which is fucking awesome. The truth is: we all invented the internet.

Tune in next week for more answers. Or, rather, fewer answers to more questions. Stay blessed.