The endless void of darkness engulfed me as I fell asleep. Just as I realized that I was indeed snoozing when I’m not supposed to, I struggled to grasp onto the little piece of reality in a world of impossibilities. But it wasn’t enough for me to move my heavy eyelids and body that turned so much heftier due to several sleepless nights. In my dream I was one with the air, or rather the atmosphere if there even existed one. Nothing really exists in here. Neither did my body. No longer was I confined and restrained by physicality or rationale. The atmosphere thought to itself, “This must be true freedom”. The little reality I managed to hold on to reminds me of responsibilities and consequences of sleeping on the job, but the weakling could only weep with no real action. Everything depended on what I felt like at the moment, ‘gut feeling’ or ‘impulse’ as they say, and this time it stood against logic as it usually does. “Do not wake up”, “You can be free here”. In contrast with such alluring beautiful words, it was also beating the little reality to shreds.
What control do you even have? What can you do? Nothing. An entity born to get swept away by the current and embrace the journey without a single worry about the destination. Self-awareness only goes so far. Knowing doesn’t always equal changing. You comfort yourself as a shock measure, and lie to convince yourself whilst being aware of it all simultaneously. Pitiful.
