Anxiety is a Liar
Or how I’m learning to listen to myself instead.
As a chronic illness survivor, I talk a good game about being tough. I’ve learned over the years that hearing myself say something is nearly as good as actually believing it (or it at least produces the same amount of forward momentum.)
However, I’ve also learned that anxiety has an extremely loud voice with a direct channel into my ear.
Oh, and anxiety is also a liar.
My anxiety lies to me about social sitations.
There are two types of social lies my anxiety likes to tell me: those that fall under the category of Death & Deviance, and those that fall under Embarrassment & Asshattery. (Yes, that’s a word. I made it up.)
The first category is what I like to call death and deviance. This wraps up all the potentially fatal or physically (and mentally) harmful things that could go wrong. It’s like the most annoying voice screeching into your ear the description of every horrible scenario possible.
Example: You’re sitting in a movie theater for the opening night event of your favorite book-turn-movie adaptation, and a fire breaks out that traps you inside because you didn’t locate the nearest exit as told. Death.
The second category falls mostly into things that are embarrassing because of the poor choices of another, or asshattery. (In otherwords, you are harmed, embarrassed, or made uncomfortable by the actions of an asshat.)
Example: You are standing in the middle of Target when security rushes by to tackle an angry shopper because they hulked out over someone else buying the last Hatchimal during the Black Friday sale. Now, you’re scared to shop — ever — because of one person’s bad choice. Asshattery.
Either way, you end up hurt because something went terribly wrong while you were outside of your safe space. (Who am I kidding? We have anxiety. We aren’t going to Black Friday sales or opening night movie events!)
It doesn’t matter if it’s because you are subject to death or the victim of deviance. Anxiety just wants to make sure you don’t get caught without the proper adrenalin rush should you need it. It’s helpful that way.
Social lies are the most preferred method of my particular anxiety demon.
However, there are other types of lying, too.
No matter what your profession, we all have goals. You could be climbing the corporate ladder toward six figures, or perhaps you are homeschooling your children through middle school.
Typically there is a goal that we want to achieve and a reason for doing it — we want to be successful financially so we can raise our children with healthcare and vacations, or we want to parent our children well enough that they always know they are loved and worthy.
Anxiety likes to whisper the memories of every screw up we’ve made in a personal or professional capacity to remind us that we will fail. Not that we could fail, but that we will.
The goal of these whispers is simple: anxiety wants to convince us that we need to stop before we begin, for that is the only way to truly protect ourself from embarrassment. We will always be lacking in anxiety’s mind because that is the only way it gains strength — to push us down low.
The hard thing to remember is that this isn’t true. Will we fall at times? Yes. But like the poem goes, what if we fly?
There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky.
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?
~ Erin Hanson
Now fight back, damn it!
Show your anxiety who’s boss. I’m serious. Don’t just lay down and let it tell you lies.
For me, it is a literal pep talk that I give myself. I remind myself of the indesputable facts that I know in the situation. If it’s social, I make sure I know where the exits are or remind myself that I have a fully charged cell phone should I need to call for help. If it’s professional, I tip toe around the line of bragging by stating the things that I know I have accomplished and the things that I know I can accomplish.
I tell myself the truth, and I listen. I fight back.
Emotions lie. Don’t trust emotions. Trust what you know. Trust yourself.
Surround yourself with people that you value. When I ask my significant other if I’m going to be safe somewhere, I believe him when he says yes because I trust him. I also lean into this trust when I’m trying something new that may be a little scary (like writing about mental health!) If I have determined that he is trustworthy, then I need to act on his words as if they are a solid truth.
The antidote to anxiety is trust, plain and simple. Anxiety doesn’t know what to do when you turn the tables and take control with that powerful five-letter word. It turns and runs, albeit slower some days than others. But trust me, it will run.
Trust what you know. Trust your supporters. Trust yourself.
Did you find this helpful? Please clap those hands for me so that others can find my articles for some encouragement and support. I’d also love to hear what you think about your anxiety’s lies, so comment below.
Stephanie Pitcher Fishman is a writer, blogger, and mom living with chronic illness, a mid-life baby, and a coffee addiction. She writes about fake people (fiction), dead people (family history and genealogy), and sick people (herself included.) Read more at writerbloggermom.com and say hi on Twitter.
