A Groom’s Responsibility
Random Observation/Comment #531: Being a groom was pretty easy. I just needed to help pay for things and show up.
Congratulations! You’ve proposed and now you have to plan a wedding with your new fiancé! What should you expect? What should you be doing? What are your responsibilities as a groom?
- Read The Knot wedding checklist (not all of the items may apply, but at least you get the appreciation for the amount of work that needs to get done)
- Download Pinterest (if you haven’t already used it for finding the right engagement ring)
- Encourage the use of Trello. It’s really useful for sharing and keeping track of tasks.
- Help with a vision. Start planning with an honest discussion about what’s important to your fiance and you. Agree on the musts (open bar? Lots of guests? Idyllic location?)
- Determine your “hard limits” (Like in building a tiny house, say what you won’t compromise on. You get 2 things you really want.)
- Help with decisions –even on the things you don’t understand. Showing interest earns lots of bonus points.
- Help with research. Look up and call 4–6 places you’d love to have your wedding. Call other vendors.
- Come up with a guest list early in the planning
- Set fun celebration milestone activities (e.g. Wine toast or cheat diet dinner)
- Exercise with your fiancé. They will be getting in shape no matter what shape they’re in, so support them in it.
- Create healthy habits. It’s a great stress reliever.
- Ask if there’s anything you can do to help
- Buy dancing lessons! Even if you don’t do a special choreographed dance, you should still know a few steps. It’s also really bonding. (Feel like this could be it’s own post)
- Cook healthy. I’m very bad at cooking healthy, but even just portioning better or eating a few salads helped.
- Write her a letter. Everyone loves a letter. Say all those sweet things.
- Make sure your responsibilities are done. If you are assigned to reaching out to your guests for confirmations or bad dates, you better do it earlier than later.
- Don’t talk about weddings all the time. Wedding planning can easily dominate a bride’s attention. She’ll appreciate it too.
- Designate a time to handle wedding tasks to help
- Be patient. Accept that your fiance will be stressed and you will argue.
- Talk with other recently married couples as a couple. They can give pretty honest and relevant advice. Brides are very empathetic to one another.
- Tell her she’s beautiful and you love her.
- Talk about and help out with fun details like honeymoon locations and cake toppers.
- Pick special readings for each other and share all those poems about love and journeys
- Write vows for each other by watching cheesy TV sitcom ceremonies (Include a cheesy inside joke in your vows)
- Pick your battles. While it’s your wedding too, understand your fiance has way more pressure and expectations than you do.
- Take charge of one of the vendors. This is a great way to contribute your own creativity.
- Suggest fun ideas and be okay with them getting shot down because they’re too much extra work.
- Remember to stay calm and help her calm down as well (except don’t say “calm down”)
- Discuss and Plan your life post-wedding.
- Celebrate the count down in fun ways (e.g. A little note, fun email to your wedding party, a romantic dinner).
Say these things: “That’s a pretty good deal.” “I think that could work out.”
Avoid saying these things: “No one cares about the ceremony programs!” “I think I’ll just invite everyone.”
~See Lemons Love Being a Groom
Originally published at seelemonslive.com on October 21, 2015.