It’s complicated

Is this still on Facebook? I’ve always been single…

“Are you single?”

I was mid-ludicrous story and being my drunk-ass self. I had earned it. Half term Friday means: drink. I’d decided to talk to the other teaching folk. I didn’t know people that well, and there’s no time like drunk time to get to know people.

Then in 4 words I went from smiling to ‘Fuck You Up’.

About to go postal…

“Are you single?”


“I can see why.”

*pin drop silence*

“What the HELL do you mean by that?”

I was drunk and had definitely not taken it in the ‘good way.’ Immediately I was told that I was overreacting. It was intended as a compliment. Let’s try it:

Divorced you say? I can see why. No,no,no,no,no,no,no. I meant the shackles of marriage couldn’t hold you…

Yeah see, it doesn’t work like that buddy.

“What I meant is that no man could handle you.”

Hmm, it sounded like you think you know me after 10 minutes and are using my behaviour to explain to me why I’m single… wait, what?

I’ve never seen a guy dig a hole for himself so deeply or quickly. Why did he keep talking?

Say ‘Sorry ‘ and shut up. Don’t mansplain your idiocy and blame it on me being sensitive.

Whose defines themselves by a title or relationship status? I know immature parents. Couples that are unhappy and single women who are just looking for a good time.

The kind of logic being applied by pub dude was the same annoying logic I see with people who think couple is the default state for all humans.

Where is the wife that comes with this man? Who does this loud and happy woman belong to? She looks well fed and looked after. She must belong to somebody. But there’s no collar… It’s a fucking mystery.

This attitude has spawned legitimate fears that I may one day be rounded up and put down if unclaimed.

Single people may one day evolve to a point when where we have defining characteristics; being able to be shown a genital shot without flinching for example. Extra long arms so you can zip up your own dresses. The ability to eat a meal for two by yourself.

Until then I will craft a badge. That way curiosity can be satisfied without interrupting my drink rotation.

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Originally published at on October 22, 2016.