Dear Heartbreaker,

A letter to the person who changed me

Dear A, it’s been 3 minutes since my heart sank when you told me that you’re unaware whether or not you wanted to stay in my life. 3 minutes is all it took for me to see my entire world crashing down. Within the first minute I went completely numb, I couldn’t hear anything the only thing I heard was the pulse of my shattering heart. I couldn’t breathe, I wasn’t thinking straight and suddenly all our memories begin re-appearing in my mind. It’s like I was being tortured when I was forced to replay all those memories and experiences we shared. My eyes were swollen from crying, not the ordinary crying, the painful crying. It physically hurt to cry, it was a stinging and sharp sensation exactly how it felt when you blinded me with your love.

Dear A, it’s been a day since you broke me. I couldn’t sleep last night, tossing and turning I was losing sleep. I dreamt about you.

Dear A, it’s been a week since you left. Friends and Family say I look dead and empty inside. I saw you at work. There’s this depressing feeling when I have to walk past you and pretend you don’t even exist. You look unhappy. I feel horrible for you, because I know you still care. You tried to talk to me today but I was hurt and ran off crying. I’m sorry.

Dear A, these dreams are getting out of control. I thought I could escape this horror in my dreams. I was wrong. You’re there, you’re always there.

Dear A, it’s been 14 days since I last spoke to you. I thought I was ready to talk to you, so I gave you a call. It was strange, this entire time we sought out to avoid and to an extent dislike each other but to hear your voice sparked this warm feeling inside. After all this you never gave me an exact validation as to why you ended things. I asked you to tell me, its the least you could do. I needed closure since you’ve been lingering around for so long. Part of me believed that you’d come back, part of me believed you wanted me. But you didn’t. It broke my heart when I heard the tone of your voice, shaky and miserable. We both wept in sorrow. I needed you the most at this point. I needed you to turn around and tell me that this was all a joke and that you’d come running to my door and hug me. Yet all you said was “Talk to me when you’re ready, Goodbye”. You hung up.

Dear A, I dreamt of you again last night. These stares at work are killing me, It burns me to see your piercing eyes. My heart beats uncontrollably when we are confined in the same room. I can’t look at you.

Dear A, it’s been 2 months since we ended. You’re still begging me to return your texts, I can’t do it. I saw you at that party, completely smashed. I avoided you.

Dear A, I cried in public today. My girlfriend told me about the gifts her boyfriend got her. I miss you.

Dear A, I wrote a song about you. After seeing you at that party with your hand around that girl, a sense of jealousy rushed in like the tide. I was crying and I saw you cry. Yet you decided to confront me at the end of the night out of the blue. You told me you were sorry, that you just wanted me to be happy. My friends and your friends were eyeing you off. You didn’t want to speak to me, you just wanted to save your sorry ass and look like the better person. You used me. Yet you brushed it off and pretended like you didn’t. You brushed off my unconditional love like it was nothing. I gave you my heart in a box and you threw it away. I can’t believe you.

Dear A, It’s been a while since we made any sort of contact. It’s been great, I’m feeling better but as soon as I start to move on, you try re-enter my life again. You tell my friends you miss me but you don’t want anything to do with me. What’s the point?

Dear A, I heard you were seeing someone new. That’s nice. It got me thinking. Our relationship was like a little movie. A romantic tragedy I’d say. Movies end and so did we and they weren’t the best of terms. Where was my happy ending? My happy ending for the time being is having my old self back. Thank you.

Truth is we don’t always get a happy ending and that’s okay. Just because something ended doesn’t mean I’m never going to find someone else again. It means there is someone greater out there for me, someone who WILL love mu unconditionally and never leave my side. I will learn from my mistakes, take time to heal and move on. Never should I dwell in the past. Great things are to come.

Dear A, Goodbye.