Take heart Lonely Hearts, perhaps you are where you need to be in order to go where you need to go :).
Prefer to listen? You can do that here.
Every day is a day to make room for love. It’s not what you get from the outside that counts, it’s the love you have for yourself and the world around you that really matters.
It’s easy to feel alone on Valentine’s Day. But I have to say I am so happy I got to have a few lonely V Days in my 30's.
You see I married at 19, and could have been married 15 years by age 34, when I landed stateside from England. But I wasn’t. I divorced at 21, and starting forging my own way. Or so I thought.
And I did. Back into another long term relationship! Then he cheated on me. We had left our respective partners for one another and lived together in a house we owned for 5 years.
I was heartbroken and in the middle of law school. I lost my horses and a way of life that had been mine for so long.
I was stripped down. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it certainly wasn’t to be the last.
And then I was in another relationship. It just kind of happened, like so many do, and the next thing we too were living together.
I split up with him just 2 weeks before being offered the promotion and transatlantic transfer to our San Francisco office.
I landed on these shores in January 1999. I didn’t know anyone here, or at the office. I was single for the first time since I was 15 years old.
Part of me was terrified but a bigger part was eager to see what that meant. Of course it meant 60–100 hours a week in the office before anything else could happen.
One thing I knew for sure, love was not for me. I had chosen career over love and anyway, love did nothing but build me up, only to let me down harder each time. Nope, I was out of the love game, I was tired of waking up next to someone every day and feeling lonely, I was in this alone, I made my peace with that, or so I thought.
I would be single for the next 8 years even though I met the love of my life only 3 years after landing. I know I said I was done with love. Well I gave up on love it turns out only for love to come and find me.
And when she, Love, arrived, she was not all packaged nice and sweet. She was complicated and prickly, and she made me dig deep and learn so much about myself along the way.
Yes it was Cemaaj. And yes he was in a relationship. We met in February, 2002, six weeks after I left law, at Hippie Hill drum circle in Golden Gate Park. For me it was love at first sight. Definitely a first for me. Love was the last thing I was looking for.
For him, well you have to ask him that :). Here we are below, hanging out in nature listening to the beat of the drum stir our souls. I had left the office behind and started painting and beading gourds in the park. Love was finding me in all kinds of ways.
It would take us 6 years to be together. And there were many rough spots along with golden moments that pierced the core of my soul. It was an ecstatic time for me. I felt like a liberated Rumi finding beauty and love all around me with eyes cast anew.
I needed those lonely times so my soul could find a voice, and frequency, to speak to me. It was time we did this thing called life together, me and my soul. Time to stop getting distracted by the external forces and shiny objects, and start digging in. It wasn’t pretty. And it wasn’t easy.
Those were some lonely times. And they were the times I grew the most. You see there’s something worse than being lonely and alone, and that’s being lonely and with someone. I learned that one first hand, more than once!
It’s easy to see the love when the flowers and cards and gifts arrive. But wait around for a while. Don’t turn off yet. This often doesn’t last. It’s perfunctory, because it’s what you do on these hallmark dedicated days. When I was at the office the secretaries often used to order the gifts for their respective attorney’s and partners wives. After all sending a gift really just involves a call and handing over of credit card details.
Love doesn’t come in a box of chocolates, a dozen red roses, or a piece of jewelry. And it doesn’t just happen on February 14.
So while your friends and coworkers may be getting lots of love, know these are symbols and not necessarily symbolic of the true state of the relationship.
And at the end of the day there is one person desperately waiting to love you. And you don’t have to wait. Look in the mirror my love, there is a soul inside of you just dying to get it on with you and create magik in your life.
I’m not saying don’t make love with another. I’m all about making love, but to whom is the big question.
When you wait and allow space to come, the external love you have been looking for will find you. It all begins within.
Chances are if you’re feeling lonely, your soul is too. Go get all Rumi about life and see the beauty all around, and most especially within.
And if you need more encouragement talk a walk with our Teleclass. Love More, Stress Less, Feel Better. No opt in or registering, just hit play, walk (or sit) and listen. So much is possible when you start looking for the answers, and the love, from inside out.
Sending you buckets of love from me to you. And no, I didn’t get or receive, a card or gift, from Cemaaj. We don’t really exchange many gifts. We are the gift :). And so are you-never forget that.
All love to you, I’d love to hear of you’ve ever given up on love? Listen to Love More, Stress Less, Feel Better Teleclass below, because there is no time like now to start feeling better in your life and body, and it’s all inside of you.
The Feel Better Coach