Day 1: The Politics of Bimboland
BIMBO CITY (AP) — Street fighting continued for the fourth day in the Internet Republic of Bimboland as opposition groups disputed the results of a recent election. As President Miss Bimbo appealed for calm, armed opposition fighters stormed a police strongpoint centered on the City Library. Claiming that recent elections were “rigged”, opposition “spokesbimbo” Mindy demanded constitutional reforms and the resignation of Prime Bimbo-elect Heavenleighbimbo, who responded for the first time since the disputed elections.
“The franchise must be extended to all bimbos, regardless of their income levels,” the activist said, from her podium in Freethinkerland’s Central Square. “The current corrupt system has perpetuated the hold on power of an unstable madbimbo and her henchbimbos.”
Miss Bimbo, the founder and President of Bimboland, speaking from her official residence on Boob Island, called for all sides to agree to a ceasefire, but refused to commit to calling new elections. “Our democratic elections are free and fair, and they have selected the esteemed Heavenleighbimbo, a well-regarded member of the community, to occupy this important position of trust. If there are specific allegations against her, I would, of course, call for an immediate investigation. But I refuse to allow this unbimbolike agitation to overturn the system which I have spent over a decade working to build.”
Meanwhile, breaking her silence for the first time in four days, the Prime Bimbo-elect Heavenleighbimbo issued a disjointed written statement that denied the opposition’s charges. “I t is FALSE………… these ATTACKS by FAKE BIMBOS who seek NO THING BUTT DESTRUCTION of Our Glorious Country!” she wrote. “ALL of them deserve JAIL, so that we can re store ORDER and LAW’S!” She claimed to have proof that the opposition was guided by the CIA, KGB, RAW, and “the Majestic 12”, in cooperation with spider aliens from the star Aldebaran.
When reached for comment, the State Department seemed baffled and unaware of the unrest gripping the country. “Wait, Bimboland?” deputy press secretary Gena Heather said. “I’ve never heard of it. You’re saying it’s an ‘Internet Republic’? Is that even possible? Uh, the United States calls for free and fair elections in all circumstances, and also encourages all sides of disputes to engage in dialogue towards peaceful resolution. But, uh, I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”
