Grandad Jokes #45
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
676
Early man had a bad sense of direction
and often got lost.
That’s how he earned the name
meanderthal man.
677
When the houses of Lancaster and York fought,
who came out on top?
The roofs.
678
Where do fruit go to get their shoes repaired?
The pear cobbler
679
When is a dress like music?
When it’s a tune-ic
680
One day the boy caught nothing but a jellyfish.
But he didn’t despair.
He knew that sooner or later he’d get its mate —
a peanut butter fish.
681
What constellation was named after
a notoriously crooked accountant?
The Big Dipper
682
Why did the chemist buy a ranch in Texas?
For his big experiment
he needed a cattle list.
683
A young horse is a colt.
What is a young unicorn?
An occult.
A young female unicorn is a willy.
If neutered she becomes a nilly.
The favorite toy of her and her brother is a unicycle.
684
The would-be genius
finally produced
his magnum hope-us
685
When Sherlock Holmes saw a purple man
at the scene of the crime,
he immediately arrested him,
knowing that he must be
the purple-traitor of the crime.
686
When the robot got appendicitis,
he was operated on by a plastic surgeon.
687
He thought he could make more time
with a timebomb.
But he blew it.
688
The notorious poacher
lived near a game preserve
famous for its pinball machines.
For breakfast, he had preserves and poached eggs on toast.
Otherwise, he was above repoach.
689
The orator was also an amateur doctor.
He had an anecdote for everything.
690
Today is when you
open the door to tomorrow.
691
On his expedition to New Guinea,
the anthropologist lost track of
his friend and travel companion, the Hobo,
until before dinner a tribal chief wished him,
“Bum appetit.”
692
What is the favorite game of coffee plants?
bean go
693
What do you call a worm’s girl friend?
bait mate
694
Why did Columbus buy the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria?
They were on sail
695
What did the garbage say
when it was dumped into the sink?
I am at your disposal.
696
Needless to say,
the acupuncturist turned baker
kneaded dough
with needles.
697
At lunch break
the zoo guard
relaxed with a book among the big cats.
He liked to read between the lions.
698
Greeting for jokesters —
May the farce be with you.
699
The pretentious Proust expert
was a proud prude.
700
A bad scholarly article is
uncitely.
