Grandad Jokes, Batch #97
Speaking in Tongues section of the book Grandad Jokes
76
Thinking of Dante’s comic wit —
Devils have scalding hot teeth.
As the Germans say:
our bite
mocked
fry.
[arbeit macht frei]
77
The composer
Frere Dvor Jacques
also invented the dormer window.
78
What do you call a fast-food restaurant for small dogs?
pet eat (petite)
79
A Frenchman was looking for an apartment in Manhattan.
A beautiful real estate agent showed around.
It was a long day, but they had a great time together.
When she said, “This one has a great view. Do you want it?”
He replied, “That depends?”
“On what?”
“I want a room with a vous.”
80
When she finished her first novel
she broke out in song —
“Felice Novelidad!”
81
The lady lived in Normandy
not the Riviera.
So instead of Sudoku
she played Nordoku.
82
In Greece when you tip your waiter what are you supposed to say?
Enjoy your dinar
83
What’s the favorite color in Istanbul?
Turk quoise
84
The Latina insisted,
“We are friends solamente.”
He replied,
“I’m glad you finally realize
we are solemates.
I hope we can become bodymates as well.
85
What do you call a samurai
who prefers firearms to swords?
The Shogun’s shotgun.
86
“Why didn’t you fill in your address
on this application form?”
The Frenchman answered, “Of course not.
I live on the Left Blank.”
87
Punctuation is very important in Spanish.
For instance, “Comma se dice.”
88
Question — What’s your primary love language?
Answer — Russianized English.
In Russian the word for love is “lubov”.
Hence in Russianized English “I love you” is
“I lube you.”
89
The welcoming sign at a French nudist camp reads:
Bien ve nue.
90
When women finally achieve superiority in China
the language will be renamed
Womandarin.
91
FYI — In Russian, “mir” means “world” and “peace” and “village.”
The survival of the world depends on peace.
And the fate of the world depends on what happens in the village,
what we do right at home.
92
“Slang,” past tense of the verb “to sling,”
derived from the noun “slinguist,”
which in the vernacular means “a bullshit artist.”
93
When a flower
falls in love with a flower,
he sends her
billet-dew.
94
How did amo morph from “I love” to bullets?
95
In the French version of the story
Cinderella’s fairy godmother turned a pumpkin
into a cauchemar.
96
The ancient Greeks were sloppy writers.
They never dotted their iotas.
97
The German immigrant
was surprised and pleased
to learn that America
honored Martin Luther
with a holiday
and even considered him a king.
98
Title of a French mystery novel —
Merded in Paris,
or When the Shit Hit the Fan.
99
Beware of German women.
Frau is close to fraud.
100
Caesar and Brutus were always trying to one-up one another.
Brutus boasted that he ate a 5-pound steak.
And Caesar replied,
“Et two, Brute.”
