Grandad Jokes, Batch #100
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes.
1851
He couldn’t get the money in time,
so they foreclosed.
If only he could have foregot it.
1852
What is a choir of orcs?
An orc-estra.
1853
Graduating chiropractors
received their backalauriat degrees.
1854
The ladder got into terrible fights
with his step children.
1855
A new medication targeted at sick authors
may put an end to ill-literacy.
1856
The novel was very hard to live with.
She felt entitled.
1857
$2.50 a gallon?
That’s a nice piece of gas.
1858
I never expressed my gratitude to him out loud,
but I thinked him many times.
1859
A tale of Internet business success —
The Seven Year Niche.
1860
The dyslexic second grader
stole eyes cream
instead of ice cream.
1861
Beware.
That kid has nerfs of steel.
Don’t play nerf ball with him.
1862
When Mickey Mouse fainted.
Minnie gave him
mouse to mouse resussitation.
1863
Big Pharma was working on
a vitamin pill to beat all vitamin pills.
They were going to call it the B52,
but it bombed.
1864
The fishing rod had a mean left hook,
but its owner went all day
without a strike.
1865
The advertising genius
came up with brilliant slogans for liberal causes.
His nickname was Ad Lib.
1866
Have you ever seen a corn stalk its prey?
That’s scary.
1867
The bike was tired
but he worked anyway.
He wouldn’t know what to do
if he weren’t tired.
1868
Electronic calendars should have an
invisible ink mode,
so you can fulfill your obligation
to write it down,
but never see it again.
1869
When the Pharoah went to war with Japan,
he used mummies as weapons.
That’s the origin of the slogan,
“Embalmed over Tokyo!”
1870
Don’t listen to him.
Give him a minute,
and he’ll take an hour.
1871
He wanted to be immortal
so he only wore
undies.
1872
A marriage certificate
is proof of wife.
1873
The software engineer swore
“Son of a glitch!”
1874
She was shy.
How could she possibly enter
a flash fiction contest?
1875
What is the most intelligent vegetable?
Lettuce.
It’s a head and nothing but a head.
