Grandad Jokes, Batch #103
Excerpt from the unpublished book Grandad Jokes, So Bad They’re Good, Section — section Letter, Number, and Grammar Play
51
Eight had cancer until she found the special one
who could make her be nine.
52
The e-key on his keyboard stuck
and he found it impossible to write.
He was very need e.
53
Five tried to be positive
but kept turning negative.
So he square-rooted himself
and his problem became imaginary.
54
What letter is invisible?
Transparent C.
55
The inmate was obsessed with punctuation,
especially periods.
He was looking forward to the end of his sentence.
56
The verb transformed herself to a participle
because she wanted to participate.
57
He often said “Ah, hum”
but with different intonation and different meaning.
So she compiled a dictionary of his unique language
and called it a Humnal.
58
T wasn’t sure of anything
except his own importance.
He was the uncertain T,
the principle behind the nature of matter and energy
throughout the universe.
59
The vowel went on an
inter-consonantal flight.
60
U refused to date E.
He was cute and smart,
but he was too fast.
She didn’t want a quick E.
61
What letter became a well-known song writer?
V
He wrote:
“I will follow U, wherever U may go …”
62
He was empathetic,
the opposite of egotistical.
So he became a U-rologist.
63
Her S was sexy,
but he loved her intimate C.
64
What do you call an acrobatic linguist?
A flying saussure.
65
Bizarrely,
“Drunk drank drink”
as noun, verb, noun,
is a complete sentence.
66
As a young boy,
the grammarian had fits of irritability.
His mother concluded,
“That’s just a passing phrase.”
67
In grammar,
why is it that if you are neither feminine nor masculine,
you are nuder?
68
A linguist’s catalogue of grunts should be known as
a hmmnal.
69
How did cavemen study for final exams?
They used Glyph Notes.
Ancient Egyptians used
Higher Glyph Notes.
70
Where did X and Y get married?
In a function room.
71
Example of “backwords” —
dog and god.
72
What letter is an expert in bullshit?
R
He always wanted to be S.
73
He misspelled every word,
doubling all the consonants.
He flunked English class
but gained renoun.
74
She got a C minus for the course.
Terrible.
But at least she wasn’t D-graded.
75
The director hired the letter U
for the minor but critical role
because he was always on Q.
