Grandad Jokes, Batch #104
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes
1
An elderly couple stood on the bridge of a cruise ship and started singing loudly “A, e, i, o, u.” over and over again.
The captain asked, “What are you doing?”
“Renewing our vowels.”
2
What do they call the volunteers at Las Vegas hospitals?
Candy Strippers
3
What do you call a brilliant beautiful woman?
PhD = pretty hot dame
4
What did the cartographer and his wife do after lunch?
They had an afternoon map.
5
When hypnotists fall in love what do they do for dates?
They go trancing
7
What do you call a loose-moralled dental assistant?
Dental floosie.
8
Another name for a boat show — ship tease
9
Why did a husband give his wife rouge, eyeliner, and lipstick for Christmas?
He was hoping for makeup sex.
10
Which came first, the chicken, the egg, or the teenage boy?
The teenage boy.
He was very horny
11
Which Paris church is the favorite of prostitutes?
Notre Madame
12
When a shy man sees a beautiful lady at the buffet,
he rushes up and puts potato chips on her plate.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“That’s my way of saying I’d like to have a relation chip with you.”
13
Title for a movie about Internet romance?
Love, Tweet Love
14
What dairy product is used as an aphrodisiac?
Tantric yoghurt
15
St Patrick’s Day greeting:
Kiss me.
I’m part Irish.
Keep kissing till you find the right part.
16
Another St. Patrick’s Day greeting:
May all your off-color jokes be green.
17
Are you looking for an older man?
I guarantee I’ll get older.
I’ll get older every day,
Just for you.
That’s true devotion.
18
What do you call a couple who just had sex for the first time?
Newly beds.
19
What do you call a street-side matchmaker?
A meet-her maid.
20
Where are the best topless clubs in Italy?
Niples.
21
When the grammarians married,
they exchanged vowels
22
Someone tried to borrow a cough lozenge from a lady of the night.
She replied, “I don’t give away my sucrets.”
23
An Egyptian princess reaching puberty and growing sizable breasts wanted to show them off. Her parents reprimanded her frequently, leading to her nickname —
Never Titi.
24
Definition of a chastity belt.
Pubic defender.
25
What do you call it when a thief is caught by a waitress from Hooters?
Busted.
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