Grandad Jokes, Batch #106

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJul 19, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.

51

What do you call an afternoon breast feeding session?

Teat time

52

What’s another word for a porn magazine?

Pubication.

53

A Moslem was having sexual performance problems.

So he went to his doctor who told him,

“Take four wives and call me in the morning.”

54

What did the clam say to his girlfriend?

Shell we chowder together?

55

What did the sex pervert order for an appetizer?

fetish-chini

56

What happens when a young girl eats too many pies?

She becomes a tart.

57

Why did the elevator button have trouble forming romantic relationships?

He was pressed, depressed, and repressed.

58

What do you call the back side of the knee?

“the knee pit”

and a kiss there is call a “kneep”

59

What’s the most romantic fragrance?

lovender

60

Why was the trumpet player nervous about his first date with a wonderful woman?

He was afraid he would blow it.

61

As they neared climax, the lady said, “You’re a nice man.”

He replied, “The nice man cometh.”

62

What European bug is associated with love?

The Roman tick.

63

A bride who marries well is well groomed.

64

“Honey, can you call room service, please.”

“No dear. We’re on our honeymoon. What you need is groom service.”

65

How did the Lone Ranger meet his wife?

They were rangers in the night.

66

I love being with you.

I love being in you.

That’s innuendo.

67

Pornographers write with pen and kink.

68

When the stripper slithered out of her underwear, what did the holy roller in the audience chant?

Repant! Repant!

69

Recipe for love:

mix two souls

add flesh

stir by hand

melt with passion

season to taste

repeat as desired

desire often

70

What’s a favorite song about cuddling?

Spoon River

71

What’s the favorite love song of apes?

Gorill of my dreams.

72

Heartbreak is emotion sickness.

73

What does the baker say to his loving wife?

Would you like to jump my scones?

74

What do you call a sexy English person?

anglo sexon

75

What should you call the short version of the Kama Sutra?

Clit Notes

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, book reviews, essays, poems, and jokes.

--

--

Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com