Grandad Jokes, Batch #111

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJul 25, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.

176

Why did the lady want to marry the pistol?

Because he was loaded.

177

While you are away,

please drink absinthe often;

because absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

178

After a life of piety,

Angela repented

and opened the Bar Nun.

179

I’ll miss your kisses
at Kissmiss time.

180

What is the favorite hymn of the Orgasmic Evangelical Church?

Oh, Come All Ye Faithful

181

What should a well-endowed lady

wear to bed?

a z bra, of course.

182

She said she would never go to bed with anyone until they had had a hundred dates.

So he bought that many and spread them on his bed.

That approach was dated,

but it worked.

183

Suggested theme song for Viagra commercials —

Pill the End of Time…

184

When the kitten lost her purrs,

the tom cat paid for her.

And that pussy was well worth it.

185

She fasted on holy days.

So that’s when he dated her.

He liked fast ladies.

186

English lesson:

Superlative —

Wonderful

More wonderful

You.

187

“The island was uninhibited.”

“You mean you were all alone?”

Hardly. The population was booming.

They made love 24/7 and

sold it by the gross.”

188

What are the best stocking stuffers?

The shapely legs of a beautiful woman.

189

He was well-bread

so first he buttered her up,

then he went to roll play.

190

Why was the filly attracted to Old Paint?

Because he was

so long.

191

You are totally derful.

Onederful

Twoderful

Threederful…

192

The young woman changed her name to “Righteousness”

because men hunger and thirst for

Righteousness.

193

What is the sexiest plant?

Pussy willow.

194

Confucius say —

Lady of good taste

taste very good.

195

Missed cinematic opportunity —

Pussy Galore was the name of a character

in Goldfinger.

But we never got to see what he could do with that finger.

196

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

“It would be a pleasure if you were all mine.”

197

She desperately loved the baker —

he made her writhe in fingers rolls.

198

Dorothy loved muscle.

And lions and tigers and bears

all had enough of that

to make her say,

“Oh, my!”

199

She was a lady of depth —

her caverns were amazing.

He could explore them

for ours.

200

The lady had a thing for birds —

she put her jays on every night.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, book reviews, essays, poems, and jokes.

--

--

Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com