Grandad Jokes, Batch #111
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
176
Why did the lady want to marry the pistol?
Because he was loaded.
177
While you are away,
please drink absinthe often;
because absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
178
After a life of piety,
Angela repented
and opened the Bar Nun.
179
I’ll miss your kisses
at Kissmiss time.
180
What is the favorite hymn of the Orgasmic Evangelical Church?
Oh, Come All Ye Faithful
181
What should a well-endowed lady
wear to bed?
a z bra, of course.
182
She said she would never go to bed with anyone until they had had a hundred dates.
So he bought that many and spread them on his bed.
That approach was dated,
but it worked.
183
Suggested theme song for Viagra commercials —
Pill the End of Time…
184
When the kitten lost her purrs,
the tom cat paid for her.
And that pussy was well worth it.
185
She fasted on holy days.
So that’s when he dated her.
He liked fast ladies.
186
English lesson:
Superlative —
Wonderful
More wonderful
You.
187
“The island was uninhibited.”
“You mean you were all alone?”
Hardly. The population was booming.
They made love 24/7 and
sold it by the gross.”
188
What are the best stocking stuffers?
The shapely legs of a beautiful woman.
189
He was well-bread
so first he buttered her up,
then he went to roll play.
190
Why was the filly attracted to Old Paint?
Because he was
so long.
191
You are totally derful.
Onederful
Twoderful
Threederful…
192
The young woman changed her name to “Righteousness”
because men hunger and thirst for
Righteousness.
193
What is the sexiest plant?
Pussy willow.
194
Confucius say —
Lady of good taste
taste very good.
195
Missed cinematic opportunity —
Pussy Galore was the name of a character
in Goldfinger.
But we never got to see what he could do with that finger.
196
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”
“It would be a pleasure if you were all mine.”
197
She desperately loved the baker —
he made her writhe in fingers rolls.
198
Dorothy loved muscle.
And lions and tigers and bears
all had enough of that
to make her say,
“Oh, my!”
199
She was a lady of depth —
her caverns were amazing.
He could explore them
for ours.
200
The lady had a thing for birds —
she put her jays on every night.
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