Grandad Jokes, Batch #112
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
101
The Declaration of Sexual Independence begins:
When intercourse of human events …
102
Song for the perfect Twitter-mate:
“For he’s a jolly good follow.”
103
When an unmarried man and woman live together, they should be known as
husfriend and wifetress.
104
The porn star graduated cum louder
105
Definition of brassiere —
booby trap
Definition of stripper —
booby strap tease artist
106
Ya vas lyublyu
said the Russian, meaning “I love you.”
Her American cumrade replied “I lube you too.”
107
Artists met
drawing on a draw bridge
and became bridge partners.
108
Those who would rather have fun in bed than watch TV
prefer the lube tube to the boob tube.
109
When robot couples marry,
they become auto-mates.
110
Name for an ebook store focusing on pornography —
Kinkle
111
His third wife refused to divorce him.
She didn’t want to be known as
his triple X-wife.
112
Nostalgic avocado love song —
How are things in guacamole?
113
The chess grandmaster went to art class
because he had talent for drawing.
That’s how nearly all his games ended.
And he had the luck of the draw when he married a beautiful but boring woman —
a stale mate.
114
For emergency sympathy and affection,
call the
First Be Fonders.
115
When a shy man sees a beautiful lady at the buffet,
he rushes up and puts potato chips on her plate.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“That’s my way of saying I’d like to have a relation chip with you.”
116
When a poor Arab proposed to his rich girl friend, she was delighted that he was poor.
That meant she would be his sole mate.
117
When a gay couple inherited the throne of Slobovia
they proudly called themselves the Kink and Queen.
118
Product idea —
The Night-T,
alternative to the nightie.
Plain cotton t-shirt
comes with magic markers for adding names and inappropriate slogans.
Has circular Velcro patches over cut-outs in front and
Velcro quick-remove zipper in back.
119
Why did the young lady strive to be a fast friend,
a fast runner,
a fast learner, and
a fast date as well?
Because fasting is a great way to lose weight.
120
Why did the aging Spanish gentleman have a sex change operation?
For his memory.
He hoped that if he were a seniora
he wouldn’t have senior moments.
121
Alternate name for a vibrator —
a laidle
Consumer of said device —
a laidie
122
Proposed TV series,
“Leave It to Cleavage” —
candid reactions of men in authority
when confronted with wrong-doers
who happen to be
large-busted ladies in revealing attire.
123
What should you call a short pornographic book?
Book-clit
124
Dude is the past tense of the verb to do,
as in “I want to do you.”
“I dude you.”
125
A man with ten wives is
decimated.
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