Grandad Jokes, Batch #113
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
126
How to say “see you later”
to your Mexican girlfriend —
“Hasta la kissa.”
127
Ad for the Red Light Bootique:
Bootie calls delivered
express femail.
128
Who was the best endowed classic movie star?
Long Chaney
129
Why did the young lady want to go to an Ivy League College?
Because it was well endowed.
130
The real story of why Eve got kicked out of Eden:
She used a dating app,
and the guy to whom she was sending flirtatious texts
turned out to be
God.
131
What did the celibate cell do
when his girlfriend rejected him?
He split,
then split again
and again
and lived happily ever after
with his new family.
132
How to propose long-distance with few words —
I mrs. you.
133
She sent him nude pictures of herself
because she wanted to be
his gif friend.
134
Lost bawdy play by Shakespeare:
Ass, You Like It
135
The philosopher was asking the wrong questions.
Instead of looking for the meaning of life,
he should be looking for
the meaning of wife.
136
If there were temple prostitutes in ancient Israel,
they should have been called
seducees.
137
What should an author give his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A book-ay —
A basket full of romantic novels.
138
Biblical wisdom —
For out of lust wast thou made
and unto lust shalt thou return.
139
What Caesar really said —
I saw.
I conquered.
I came.
140
The new spokesperson for Viagra
is a talking horse —
Mr. ED
141
Why did the sexy lady
pay for all-day parking?
She believed in car pay diem.
142
The kitten,
an unrequited lover,
purr sisted.
143
Ad for the Love Cruise Line —
Which of our ships meets your needs?
The Steamer
The Relation Ship
The Friend Ship
The Missed the Boat
144
Suggested name for website publishing erotic writing —
Flesh Fiction
145
He was very phond of her.
So he sang her a LOLaby.
146
What did the prospector say
when he found a nugget of gold —
“I love you. Be mine.”
147
She agreed to get silicone implants
if he did too —
for his biceps.
148
He wasn’t picky. His tastes were catholic.
But when it came to picking up women,
the ex-priest didn’t have a prayer.
So he went to the gym,
and became a muscleman.
149
When the skiddle got the hots for the dough,
what did the dough do?
She cried crepe
150
When a watermelon married a dog, what happened?
They had a watermelon collie baby
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