Grandad Jokes, Batch #114

Richard Seltzer
2 min readJul 28, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.

151

Strippers often suffer from clothes-too-phobia —

the fear of wearing too much clothing.

152

What old brand of car was clothing optional?

The Nudebaker.

153

Why did the cheerleader want to date a cleancut pre-med student named William?

She wanted a clean Bill of health

154

The boss didn’t want to be accused of her ass ment,

so he fondled her breasts instead.

155

What is the best way for a woman to recognize true love?

The clitmus test.

156

Why does the scientist hope to meet a lady he both loves and hates?

He wants to be of two minds

to double his brain power.

157

He majored in topology in college because

so he could study topless dancers

158

What happens when orcs fall in love?

They have orcasms.

159

What did the sink say to the toilet?

Dear John …

160

She met a member of Congress

and learned that Viagra

is a congressional aide.

161

The lover of blow jobs was delighted to learn that

a sucker is born every minute.

162

In what kind of product is less more?

Women’s clothing.

163

What do you call the part of a mansion that is designed for sex?

The do-wing.

164

Before they married

they went to the gym

and sculpted themselves.

Then they divorced

and exsculpated.

165

What did Thumbelina say to her one true love?

“I want to dance on your stomach.

Then I’ll be a belly dancer.”

166

What word do you think of when a beautiful lady spreads her legs?

Lickedysplit.

167

What prize did the kitten give the tom cat the first time they did anal?

cat ass trophy

168

His girlfriend was going to dump him

unless he dropped 30 lbs.

So he carried a box full of books

and dropped it on the sidewalk.

169

The Platinum rule —

One good turn on

deserves another.

170

She had a heated floor

because she never wanted a lover

to get cold feet.

171

“I want you to enter me,” she said.

He replied,

“Let me entertain you.

Let me make you smile.”

172

The politician enjoyed campaigning,

but he especially looked forward

to erection day.

173

The politician enjoyed campaigning,

but he especially looked forward

to erection day.

174

The lady was disappointed with her husband’s performance,

so she went shopping in the hardware store.

175

The first commandment of the religion of love —

do others

as they do you.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, book reviews, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com