Grandad Jokes, Batch #116
Frm the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandfather Jokes.
201
She based her career
on the alluring way she walked —
She became a hip-noticed.
203
Her favorite colors were
aquamarine and
merchant marine.
But she would be happy with
any marine at all on a cold night.
205
Counting lovely ladies’ bottoms
is a good way to fall
assleep.
206
New blockbuster movie —
“Finding Emoji”:
the epic story of a young woman’s quest
for the perfect reply
to a flirtatious text
from a cute stranger.
207
When she broke up with him
she said they could be friends but
he couldn’t keep sending her flirtatious messages.
So he went to the University of Mississippi
so he could tell her over and over —
Miss. U.
208
She said he wasn’t the right man for her.
So he practiced doing everything left-handed
so he could be the left man for her.
209
Business idea —
Cellphone pockets
for men — front and center, like Elizabethan cod piece
for women — in the cleavage of a brassiere
draws attention and secures phone from theft and accidental loss
210
When the cheese fell in love with the bread,
what did he tell her?
“I am fondu of you.”
211
When he was bad,
he was sent to the doghouse.
So he did his best to be good,
in hopes that he would be sent to the cathouse.
212
New weight-loss regimen —
Intermittent Sex Fasting.
Jog three miles a day and
have sex whenever you can
catch a fast lady.
213
When you truly connect,
presence makes the heart grow fonder.
214
Creation story:
God put Adam and Eve in Eden
where life was easy.
But Eve wanted it harder.
So they left to the Land of Viagra.
215
They met and fell in love at Costco,
at the rotisserie chicken
or was it the eggs?
They couldn’t remember which came first.
216
What did the violinist wear to the beach?
A g string
217
What’s a good brand name for an Irish sports brassiere?
The Erin Go Bra
218
Childhood memories —
Dick and Jane
Nancy Screw
Hardy Boys
Boobsey Twins
219
George looked everywhere for an antique TV.
Finally he found one on eBay.
He was delighted to finally have a boob tube.
220
What medication is good for dampening
the desire for anal sex?
ant-ass-id
221
Another word for aphrodisiac?
tenderizer
222
Cleopatra had slaves specializing
in every variety of sexual service.
That’s the origin of the word
butler.
223
Why did Susy join the high school debating team?
She was looking forward to rebuttals.
224
What is the best place to buy ED pills?
Club Med
225
What famous horse suffered from erectile dysfunction?
Mr. ED
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