Grandad Jokes, Batch #119
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
277
The Greek scholar kept his love letters
in a phile cabinet.
278
The perfect Valentine’s gift —
a box of chocolate tweets.
279
As soon as the student met her
he told her,
“I’d like to patriculate at youniversity.”
280
He took his escort to Bloomingdale’s
and bought her an evening gown.
It was a special, half-price.
When the date was over,
he paid her only half of what he had agreed.
He explained, “That’s because you’re special.”
281
The lady went shopping for an evening gown.
The gentleman went shopping for an evening.
282
The clock loved her clockmaker,
but two-timed him.
She wanted a second chance,
but he gave her a second hand instead.
283
Long ago, before the days of interns,
Queen Zenobia had a thing for pages.
Her life was an inspiration for erotic novelists,
true page turner.
284
She applied for the position because
she wanted firsthand job experience.
But the spacing in the ad was wrong.
It should have read —
first handjob experience.
285
Slogan of Vegas show girls —
put your best tit forward.
286
He wanted to build muscle,
but lifting weights at the gym was boring.
So he picked up women instead.
287
When Emile Zola met her,
he knew immediately that
she was his zole-mate.
288
The young girl wanted to become a prostitute
because she loved music
and she wanted to learn to play
the organ.
289
She would only date medical students
because they studied orgasmic chemistry.
290
She had second-hand breasts.
It wasn’t enough to be caressed by one hand.
She needed a second one.
291
When he made love with his boss,
he always made sure she had at least two orgasms,
so he could have a re-come-endation.
292
The boa constrictor gave her lover a
goodnight hiss,
and he gave her
a goodnight hug —
she was his main squeeze.
293
Definition —
Emojial, noun
Someone who has difficulty finding the right words to express his/her emotions, and becomes dependent on using emojis.
By extension, someone whose emotions are limited to what he/she can find emojis for.
294
How to address a short princess
who is offended by the irony of “highness” —
Your royal sweetness.
295
He fell for one of his followers —
her tweets were cute,
and her twittees were amazing.
296
Celebrate leap day.
Leap before you look.
If you don’t you are at risk of
leaprosy —
four years, or even a lifetime
of regret.
297
She said they couldn’t get together.
She had to catch up with her friends.
He replied,
“Well, ketchup with your friends
and mustard with me.”
298
She is very truthful.
But be careful.
Don’t believe her if she’s lying in bed.
299
He met her online.
It was a matchicle experience.
300
His second wife was a bit rough around the edges.
But he loved her,
and she cooked better than he did.
She was a great fixer supper.
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