Grandad Jokes, Batch #120
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
301
She wanted a pet
but didn’t like dogs or cats.
So she got a husband instead
and he became her pet peeve.
302
Instead of flowers,
the author gave his true love
a basket full of books —
a book-quet.
303
The loving couple never tried to reach each other
by cellphone when and where reception might be bad.
They never wanted to break up.
304
The lady refused to ride bicycles.
She considered them immoral.
She would only ride heterocycles.
305
When the author read her his latest work
she slapped him.
“Why?” he asked.
“That was a very touching story,
and no touching is allowed.”
306
She was very concerned about her health.
She went to the gym every day
and only bought orgasmic food.
307
When summer weather came,
the brilliant lady wore her
think tank top.
308
He needed discipline to lose weight.
A personal trainer didn’t work.
So he hired a dominatrix.
309
The book was very good,
so good she couldn’t put it down.
So he warned her
“Reading or not, I’m coming.
310
He filled out the form and handed it to the cute recruiter.
“What’s this?” she asked. “Doggie?”
“That’s the position I’m applying for.”
311
Coining new word:
Social-closening —
moving in with a lover
for the duration
of social-distancing.
312
As they say on Valentine’s
tweets for the tweet.
313
When the former prostitute went to college.
she was insulted to be given
assignments.
314
She was shocked to learn
that the napkins
at the fancy restaurant
were sanitary.
315
When the time of severe shortages comes
The well-stocked lady will be more attractive
than the well-stacked one.
316
She decided to take chemistry
because she was looking forward to
the sperimentation.
317
She kept putting him off
and putting him off.
Finally he realized that she
belonged to the Church of the Later in the Day Saints.
318
When he flipped the light switch,
she said,
“What a turn on!”
319
She changed her name to “Righteousness”
because she wanted men to hunger and thirst for her.
320
A well-built lady
is a booby trap.
321
A well-built lady
is a booby trap.
322
When the couple started having troubles,
they decided to go to grope therapy.
323
Their love
was a masterpiece
of heartwork.
324
An obstacle to romance
is a hurtle.
325
She fell in love with him
by a misunderstanding.
She thought he said, “I’m rich.”
But he really said “Irish.”
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