Grandad Jokes, Batch #121

Richard Seltzer
2 min readAug 4, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.

326

They were a perfect match.

Both studied philosophy.

He was into Hegel.

She was into Kegel.

And they were both into each other.

327

What bird is capable of having many orgasms?

The mul-tease falcon.

328

As Adam and Eve fell deeper in love,

she became Ever

and Ever

and Forever.

329

The newly-weds

prepared meals together

in the kiss-in.

330

Bobbit had a well-publicized accident

involving his nether parts.

Fortunately, he remembered.

331

They met in a psychiatric ward,

and have been committed ever since,

regardless of who is who

and who is with whom.

332

Camels like quickies —

they do it in only one or two humps.

333

Newly coined word —

a romantic story

is a kisstery.

334

Term for an escort who is also a writer —

freelance lover.

335

He wasn’t ready for an assisted living facility, not yet.

So he signed up

for assisted loving instead.

336

He was persistent.

When she said, “No!”

He replied, “No thyself. Yes me.”

337

He lost at the game of love

but wanted a rematch,

hoping for match-ic.

338

A clam proposed to girlfriend, “Will you marry me?”

She replied, “I shell.”

339

Coronavirus Honeymoon.

Synopsis of a novel romance —

During the decade of social distancing,

they learned that they couldn’t live together.

But, fortunately, they could love together.

340

Asstrology —

The science of predicting people’s futures

by studying their behinds.

341

The self-distancing lady on Match

insisted that she wanted to be alone.

He replied, “Great. I want a lone her.”

342

If a lady, while social distancing,

makes herself beautiful

and nobody sees her,

is she beautiful?

343

When a tourist in the red light district of Amsterdam

saw in a picture window

a lady servicing a client,

he called the number posted on the door

and asked,

“How much is that doggie in the window?”

344

Word to the wise —

Never try to clean a dirty mind.

345

Alone for the duration, she strove to improve her online writing skills.

She became a master of flirtition.

346

Title of pornographic Hitchcock movie?

Rear Window.

347

In the Middle Ages, nuns frequently gave advice to the love-lorn.

That was the origin of Dear Abbey.

348

She was a movie buff.

Not that she knew much about movies.

But that she like to watch them in the nude.

The joys of streaming.

349

The doctor prescribed bedrest.

So George tucked his bed in and let it rest.

350

She sort of liked him.

He was the boyfriend of last resort.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, book reviews, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com