Grandad Jokes, Batch #122
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
351
He was delighted to learn that his date
was a music lover.
He, too, liked doing it to music.
352
The new-normal Saturday night,
updating instead of dating —
sending emails to old girl friends.
353
Which bird has two penises?
the cock-a-two
354
Friendship is a
communicable disease.
355
When she first encountered a ghost
it was love at first fright.
356
Why did Santa shop at a sex boutique?
He needed shocking stuffers.
357
He misunderstood her tastes.
He thought she wanted beer.
Instead she wanted diamonds from De Beers.
358
They had a lot in common.
They both went to the library.
She for a dick tionary,
and he for a leg see con.
359
She was totally deaf
and he was deafinitely in love with her.
He told her, “You’re mime, all mime.”
360
“I’m a sapiophile,” she said.
“Likewise,” he replied.
“To like wise
is very wise.”
361
The stripper’s stage name was
“Man’s Breast Friend.”
362
After shopping at an online image store,
he received hundreds of
jumbled, incomprehensible photos.
When he asked for an explanation,
he was told,
“You requested erratic pictures.”
363
Name for a house of comfort in a retirement community —
Final Fantasy.
Its slogan —
No good wood should go to waste.
364
She thought he was the man of her dreams
until she learned he had no toes.
She was lack-toes intolerant.
365
The native was confused by the theological arguments
of those who sought to convert his people.
Until he met a preacher’s daughter
who taught him
the missionary position.
366
Why did Santa shop at a sex boutique?
He needed shocking stuffers.
367
What did the loaf of bread and the stone
say to one another
when they fell in love?
“You rock!”
“And you roll!”
368
Hoping to be successful with her submissions,
she took submissive training
and sent out queeries
and stayed in b&d’s.
Success never came,
but she had a novel experience.
369
As the impoverished author said to the woman he loved —
“What’s mind is yours.”
370
As the deaf-mute said to the woman he loved —
“What mime is yours.”
371
A filter to remove pornographic photos and text
from online profiles
is known as a
profile-actic.
372
Question —
Do men like it when women chase them?
Answer —
That depends on the grammatical structure of the sentence.
Men like it when women chase them.
But men do not like to be chaste.
373
Coupling -
We aren’t hydrogen and oxygen.
We’re water, with the unique properties of water,
meant to be together from the moment we were born,
or from a pre-heaven for souls.
Forces of nature brought us together
so we could become the couple we were meant to be.
374
Ah! The joys of a coronavirus summer.
Young ladies, daring in their anonymity.
whose masks are bigger than their bikinis.
375
When the magical princess
offered to turn her favorite horse
into a unicorn,
he bolted and was never seen again.
There was no way he wanted to be a unic.
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