Grandad Jokes, Batch #123
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
376
She married him
because he promised to keep her
bare butt
and pregnant.
377
She got suspicious that he was
spending so much time at the yacht club
and talked about his boat as if it were a woman.
She exploded when she learned that every month
he was buying this “boat”
expensive slips.
378
She was tired of being single.
So she checked the web
and went to the nearest grooming salon.
He was checking for the nearest bridal path.
Their routes cross,
and they’ve been happily married ever since.
379
Which came first
the chicken or the egg?
The chicken of course.
The egg was too young to have sex.
380
The Match date said,
“I love outdoors.”
He replied,
“I usually do it in bed.”
381
Her vagina is a members-only club.
383
When she was 20,
she was looking for a few good men.
Now at 70,
she’s hoping for a few good years.
384
Check list for Match -
Soulmate
Mindmate
Bodymate
Checkmate.
385
She insisted on buying
specially grown cucumbers.
She wanted to be sure
her orgasms were organic.
386
She was shy about being fondled,
so he explained to her
that her breasts needed to be massaged regularly
or her nipples could develop
erectile dysfunction.
387
She was self-conscious about being overweight,
until she took belly-dancing lessons
and became the belly of the ball.
388
She wasn’t sure if they were a match
until she saw his bathroom
and realized that they used the same deodorant.
They were aero-soul mates.
389
The widower was trying to decide
where in the Caribbean to retire.
He considered Hatey and Lovey,
but eventually picked
the Dominatrix Republic.
390
For Valentine’s, he gave her
a heart-shaped box of candy.
Then he poured green liqueur into it,
and it became a delicious fondue.
“How did you do that?” she asked.
“Absinthe makes the heart grow fondue.”
391
Title of owner’s manual
for your husband’s equipment —
To Have and to Hold.
392
The pornographer wrote his author’s bio in milk.
It was a profile lactate.
393
Her backside was getting flabby with weight and age,
so she went to a champion debater
in hopes of a rebuttal.
394
Suggested title for a new porn mag.
The New York Good Times
“All the nudes that are fit to print.”
395
She said, “Catch me if you can!”
He ran after her and caught her.
“Got you,” he said proudly.
“Yes, indeed. And now I’ve been chaste.”
396
Automation?
An automate sounds like a masturbation device :-)
397
The pornographic road builder
specialized in ass fault.
398
Her story was replete with sexual
in-you-end-o.
399
His subscription to Playboy expired,
so he renude it.
400
He was addicted to porn.
Even his aspirin was bare.
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