Grandad Jokes, Batch #125
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
426
Definition of an intense physical relationship —
neither is in love with the other,
but they are in fuck with one another,
true fuck.
427
She was like a cup of coffee,
stimulating coffee,
Chock-Full-of-Thoughts Coffee.
428
Great name for a perfume —
Inno Scent
429
A Titter user said she needed some encouragement, some light in her life.
I replied:
Get a flashlight.
Turn it on.
Open your mouth.
Point it in your mouth.
The only tough part is turning it on.
Not many people are sexy enough to turn on a flashlight.
But you should have no problem.
430
A scary Halloween grope in the dark is a
necro-feel-you-up.
431
Date someone older and you’ll always be younger.
Date someone younger and you’ll feel you are young.
Only loners age.
432
Why did the stripper laugh so much?
Her cosmetic surgeon
gave her silly-cone implants.
433
He objectified her.
And she objectified him.
And neither objected,
both achieving the object of their mutual attraction.
Their motto was
“semper fi.”
434
Imagine a TV series
about explorers
travelling the world in search of
exotic sexual experiences,
entitled Prophylactics in Courage.
435
His relationship was at a delicate point,
he had to step carefully,
and not drop anything,
certainly not a hint,
otherwise he might end up engaged
436
Like light, love is both energy and matter.
Love needs to matter.
437
To a man
used to watching football
two minutes is an eternity.
A woman perceives time differently.
438
She enjoyed their anatomic adventure
and asked for a rebuttal.
439
Do you believe in ass-trology?
It’s a good way to get to the bottom of things.
440
An expert in love is a heartist.
441
When a flower falls in love with a flower,
he sends her billet-dew.
442
She thought that anal was the same as annual,
so she told her friends that she and her husband
celebrated not just their anniversary and birthdays,
but all the benchmarks of their lives
anally.
443
Her honeymoon was a disaster.
When she got home she told her mother
she wanted to anal the marriage.
Her mother smiled and replied,
“That’s a sure way to keep a husband happy.”
444
He preferred second-hand girlfriends.
One hand wasn’t enough.
445
He sold his house and moved to a condominium.
He figured that in the long run he’d save money
from the free condoms.
446
She opened a health and exercise business
and called it
Yoga Bare.
But that was a marketing boob boob.
447
Pickup line that can be used at church —
Your soul has great tits.
448
The author wrote her best fiction on the job.
She was a stripper
and did laptop dances.
449
The stripper knew she would win.
She had the pole position.
450
Suggested book title/topic:
The Art of the Tong,
and other wonders of modern couture.
A tong in cheek look at fashion.
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon
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