Grandad Jokes, Batch #127
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
476
Someone who pimps for his wife
is a sell mate.
477
For the prostitute
every day was a bed day.
478
For her birthday
the poet gave his love
fourteen,
a sonnet of roses.
479
“I’ll call you back,” she said.
“I’ll call you front,” he replied.
She was affronted and hung up.
480
Sexy is in the response of the beholder.
481
Slogan for a porno scifi series —
Space, the nude frontier.
482
Instead of hair do’s,
the naughty hair stylist offered
hair don’ts.
483
She made him his favorite dish.
She enjoyed playing with his
taste tickles.
484
She was ambivalent about going on Match. It was scary.
So as a defense she wrote a curmudgeony description of herself.
That served as a profile-actic.
485
Call of the wild —
Randy or not
I’m coming.
486
Reminds me of the guy who gave his ex a vibrator
so she could love herself.
487
Reminds me of the guy who gave his ex a vibrator
so she could love herself.
488
Baseball is a game of inches.
Football is a game of seconds.
Sex is a game of seconds
and thirds and fourths …
489
When his girlfriend dumped him,
calling him fatuous,
he went on a diet.
490
If tomorrow never comes,
you should work on your technique.
491
Reply to a woman who tweeted that she lost her virginity at 18 —
Shouldn’t you say,
“I found my womanhood at age 18.”
492
Suggested nick names for three spouses:
The first is the Experiment.
The second is the Mistake.
The third is the Keeper.
493
What did the addition say
when he saw a cute number?
“I’d like sum of that.”
494
The preacher suggested Bible Study for a first date,
seeking biblical knowledge.
495
The sexy ghost wore a straight unwaisted dress.
It was her graveyard shift.
496
For a first date,
the down-and-out artist
invited her to suffer.
497
During the Gulf War
she volunteered to be a frontline reporter.
But it turned out to be a disappointment.
She was embedded,
but never with the right guy.
498
She was an understanding wife.
She knew he hated dogs.
So when he did something wrong,
she sent him to the cat house.
499
She said to him,
“So, the whole point of this is to go to bed with me.”
And he replied,
“No, my dear. My aim is to wake up with you.”
500
After the divorce
he asked for the diamond back.
And she gave him one.
A six-foot rattlesnake.
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