Grandad Jokes, Batch #128

Richard Seltzer
2 min readAug 21, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.

501

Her library was very sexy —

well stacked.

502

Your vibrator loves you

because you know how to turn it on.

503

He panicked when she said she wanted an organ grinder.

504

Frostie’s girlfriend asked him,

“Are you an ice person?

505

The new x-rated adventure series

is named The Hung Games.

506

She fell in love with his portrait

rather than his real self

because it was so well hung.

507

She changed her name to Off

because so many people wanted to kiss Off.

508

The theme song for the

Easter Playboy Bunny

is Stars and Strips Forever.

509

They exercised in bed,

with heavy breeding.

510

The stripper got her driver’s license renude.

511

There is no right or wrong

in the writing of porn.

it’s errotica.

512

They had a misunderstanding

on their first get-away weekend.

She was looking forward to a B&B

and he a B&D.

513

She never slept with anyone.

She had insomnia.

514

At the party,

in the dark,

they played guess the mate.

515

I couldn’t find Distraction.

It wasn’t on any map.

So I married a woman who could drive me there.

516

The potter made matching coffee mugs

for him and his fiancee.

That made them a cuple.

517

What kind of brassiere should you wear

on St. Patrick’s Day?

Erin Go Bra.

518

The walls at the strip club

were finished with naughty pine.

519

Archaeologists found the missing link.

It took them to pornhub.

520

He gave his girlfriend lots of liquor

because absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

521

How much do you charge for a mind blow job?

522

Standing invitation from escort —

Call whenever the body moves you.

523

She ordered a foot-long from Subway

and was disappointed

when all she got was a sub.

524

For public nudity,

she was abreasted.

525

She dated Wall Street lawyers

because she wanted a mate

who was good at mergers.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, book reviews, essays, poems, and jokes.

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Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com