Grandad Jokes, Batch #129
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
526
She was good at belaboring,
so she became a midwife.
527
He was born to be a fortune teller.
He had crystal balls.
528
The use of “to do” followed by a pronoun or name
as in “I want to do you”
gives new meaning to the phrase
“do drops.”
529
In the interest of gender equality,
half of all prayers should end
“Ah! Women!”
530
She strove to develop time travel technology
because she dreamed of
returning to the days of
Cumsalot.
531
Imagine a hundred years from now,
thanks to genetic engineering,
mankind achieves gender fluidity,
the ability to move freely along the gender spectrum.
532
He told the kitchen sink that he loved her,
that she could turn him on
or off at will.
He was her faucet.
533
The faucet loved everyone,
including the kitchen sink.
534
Do you believe in love at first sigh?
535
Have you ever sung karaoke in pubic?
536
Ho-mer
was a mermaid prostitute.
537
“Uck you!” he said.
“What?”
“That was a compliment. I meant you’re ineffable.”
538
His xplanation was censored.
539
Her ambition was to become an author.
So she became an escort
and specialized in blow jobs,
doing research for an oral history of sex.
540
I can imagine temp agencies in ancient Greece
providing temple prostitutes.
541
No. I’ve never turned down a marriage proposal.
But I’ve turned down a bed.
We just weren’t made for one another.
542
When the porn director retired,
he got a job with the railroad
and at every station, he proclaimed,
“Mind the gape.”
543
Why did she marry a snowman?
Her mother’s dying wish
was that she marry
“an ice man.”
544
A tall gorgeous blond
wearing a man’s tuxedo
walked up to him,
picked him up,
and shook him.
“What?” he exclaimed.
“My name is Blond,” she replied.
“Jane Blond.
I prefer my men shaken.”
545
So much had changed
in relationships and dating
since her college days,
she wished she could go to
tindergarten.
546
Searching for porn on the Internet
is web arousing.
547
He sewed her up in a cloth bag,
because she was good in the sack.
548
The easy going lady
was also easy coming.
549
Imperfect couples
often fault in love.
550
His sculptor girlfriend
gave him a bust for Valentine’s Day
and gave him head as well.
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