Grandad Jokes, Batch #130
From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.
552
The jokester got a job in Vegas
doing comic strip
tease.
553
Since they were at high risk
they were very careful
never leaving their apartment,
wearing masks all the time
even at home, even in bed.
When the danger finally went away
and they removed their masks,
she was surprised to learn
that this man wasn’t her husband.
554
Applying for a job as a porn submissive,
she emphasized that she was a writer
and hence had lots of experience
submitting.
555
The older they got,
the more they loved one another
since absent mindedness
makes the heart grow fonder.
556
Over and over again she was late for their dates.
He took that as a good sign —
she was re-lating to him.
557
Morality changes with age.
If a 20-year-old becomes
pregnant out of wedlock
some consider that a sin.
But if a 70-year-old becomes pregnant
all would hail that as a miracle.
558
How did the skunk address
his girlfriend in emails —
“Always stinking of you.”
559
The porn photos were
delightful,
delicious,
deleted.
560
Instead of a treasure map,
I wanted a nude photo of a beautiful woman —
a pleasure map.
561
Name for world champion cunnilinguist —
Lick-a-de-split
562
Women found the billionaire attractive
because he had big dough eyes.
563
It was late and there was a show
they wanted to watch together streaming.
She said, “I’m sorry, honey, I don’t think I can last.”
He replied, “No problem. You’re first. You’re always first.”
564
Brief love message from an author —
inking of you.
565
She was a total movie buff.
She watched all movies in the buff.
566
I’d rather be an investment
than a loan.
567
When time traveling in Scotland,
be careful when choosing a pict-up line,
or instead of winning a lass,
you could get kilt.
568
Message to girlfriend on recovering from a cold —
Feeling much better,
would like to feel you better.
569
I’m repeatedly amazed by the flexibility of
the English language,
how with a few minor changes
Tom, Dick, and Harry can morph to
Tom’s dick and Harry’s.
570
She dated the fishmonger
because she liked men with mussels.
571
She went to a sex therapist
in hopes of climax change.
572
He preferred quantity over quality.
Tity won every time.
573
She wasn’t an angel,
but her angles were heavenly.
574
If he won, they had burgers.
If she won, they had shushi.
If neither won, they had Thai.
575
He believed that time sas his most valued possession.
That’s why he kept kissing his girlfriend —
making time.
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