Grandad Jokes, Batch #130

Richard Seltzer
3 min readAug 30, 2022
Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the section Bedtime Whimsy and Romance of the book Grandad Jokes.

552

The jokester got a job in Vegas

doing comic strip

tease.

553

Since they were at high risk

they were very careful

never leaving their apartment,

wearing masks all the time

even at home, even in bed.

When the danger finally went away

and they removed their masks,

she was surprised to learn

that this man wasn’t her husband.

554

Applying for a job as a porn submissive,

she emphasized that she was a writer

and hence had lots of experience

submitting.

555

The older they got,

the more they loved one another

since absent mindedness

makes the heart grow fonder.

556

Over and over again she was late for their dates.

He took that as a good sign —

she was re-lating to him.

557

Morality changes with age.

If a 20-year-old becomes

pregnant out of wedlock

some consider that a sin.

But if a 70-year-old becomes pregnant

all would hail that as a miracle.

558

How did the skunk address

his girlfriend in emails —

“Always stinking of you.”

559

The porn photos were

delightful,

delicious,

deleted.

560

Instead of a treasure map,

I wanted a nude photo of a beautiful woman —

a pleasure map.

561

Name for world champion cunnilinguist —

Lick-a-de-split

562

Women found the billionaire attractive

because he had big dough eyes.

563

It was late and there was a show

they wanted to watch together streaming.

She said, “I’m sorry, honey, I don’t think I can last.”

He replied, “No problem. You’re first. You’re always first.”

564

Brief love message from an author —

inking of you.

565

She was a total movie buff.

She watched all movies in the buff.

566

I’d rather be an investment

than a loan.

567

When time traveling in Scotland,

be careful when choosing a pict-up line,

or instead of winning a lass,

you could get kilt.

568

Message to girlfriend on recovering from a cold —

Feeling much better,

would like to feel you better.

569

I’m repeatedly amazed by the flexibility of

the English language,

how with a few minor changes

Tom, Dick, and Harry can morph to

Tom’s dick and Harry’s.

570

She dated the fishmonger

because she liked men with mussels.

571

She went to a sex therapist

in hopes of climax change.

572

He preferred quantity over quality.

Tity won every time.

573

She wasn’t an angel,

but her angles were heavenly.

574

If he won, they had burgers.

If she won, they had shushi.

If neither won, they had Thai.

575

He believed that time sas his most valued possession.

That’s why he kept kissing his girlfriend —

making time.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other stories, book reviews, essays, poems, and jokes.

--

--

Richard Seltzer

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com