Grandad Jokes, Batch #132
From the section Nonsensical Science, Philosophy, History, and Religion of the book Grandad Jokes.
601
He wanted to become a doctor,
but he was an honest man,
so he decided not.
He could never swear a hypocritical oath.
602
If time is free,
why do I have to spend it?
603
Grammar quiz —
explain the sequence
god, good, goood.
604
The monastic app on his phone
did all his prayers and penances automatically.
So. he was free to enjoy
all of God’s creation
all of the time.
It was a godsend.
605
The Buddhist priest was interested
in genealogy.
He wanted to know
who he was dezended from.
606
He loved his music.
Air buds were his religion.
He was a Budist.
607
When Moses was reincarnated
in the twenty-first century,
he went to medical school
and got a job at Mount Sinai.
608
The ships passed in the night.
It was sad.
They were too young to die.
609
She had a fine night
with the mathematician.
But she had hoped for infinity.
610
He became a potter
because he knew that a thousand years from now
nothing will remain
from today’s computers and high tech,
and this age will be known for its pots.
611
Styles will change.
What is now non-binary
will one day be decimal.
612
In ancient Greece,
for an operation
you needed not just a surgeon
but also an aesthetician.
613
God is our father,
so of course we can’t understand him.
It’s the generation gap writ large.
614
Before the volcano erupted.
She needed to go to the lavatory.
615
She didn’t micromanage.
She nanomanaged.
And sometimes she picomanaged.
616
Alternate statement of quantum theory —
Nothing matters.
617
How to swear at Earth.
“Frack you!”
618
Like coffee,
some ideas need to percolate
before they are ready to be served.
619
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John had a close friend who wanted to write his own version of the Christ story.
But he was dyslexic
and hence couldn’t write a goodspell.
620
How can I feel my age?
It won’t stay still.
Whenever I reach for it,
it has gone farther away
621
God used to be a good businesswoman.
She made profits easily.
622
Mighty thoughts
from little icons grow.
623
Need to meditate?
Watch televizen.
624
His first name was “My little dumpling.”
His last name was RIP.
625
He tried to save Time,
but her condition was hopeless.
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